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 The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)

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PostSubject: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Sat Mar 05, 2016 9:09 pm

James awoke feeling very, very groggy. His body seemed to have found a state of tiredness that he wasn't entirely accustomed to. But that was not why James had woken up.

No, James had woken up because the hair of the witch beside him had tickled his nose.

At some point during the evening, James had rolled over from 'his' side of the bed, and his arm had draped over the witch beside him. Completely unaware of this point, James had slept through the night without stirring once.

Screwing his nose up at the hair that was tickling him, James lifted the hand to his face that had been draped over Circe and rubbed the itch away. Slowly, his eyes began to focus on the room, and the close proximity in which he was laying with Circe. Jumping back in that moment - because this was not what he had agreed to, James slipped from the bed, pulling on his white dressing gown.

He was going to go shower when the site caught his eye.

A red patch stared back at him from the bed where Circe had just rolled over. Blood.

Anger shot through the man's system in an instant. And then worry and doubt.

"Circe." James spoke firmly despite his half awake mind in that moment. "Circe, wake up." He insisted, not moving back towards the bed. "Circe, you're bleeding." James told her when her eyes finally fluttered open, waiting for some kind of explanation as to what the fuck was going on right now.


Last edited by James Balan on Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:12 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Sun Mar 06, 2016 5:08 pm

The night before was a bliss. Well,, most of it at least. Circe and James had talked, they had figured out what was happening between them, and for once, they didn't have just sex. For once in his life, James Balan had allowed a woman to make love to him, and that was exactly what Circe did. She made pure, passionate love to him, trying to make him feel everything that he was not allowing himself to feel all these years.

And it was magnificent.

But then she pushed things a little too far for his liking, and she was faced with the James she knew. The one who moved away from such loving things. But she was okay with that, and she didn't try to push him to accept any of these. Circe had agreed they would take things slow, together. She would help him with everything he needed and he would do the same.

But what would happen about the baby? Circe had not thought of that, and it was quite terrifying to think that she could become a mom so soon. Especially with a man that was struggling to be faithful for more than two days.

But her sleep was peaceful, free of those thoughts. Because Circe was not ready to accept that she was pregnant. She was not ready to accept that she was going to be a mother to a child, and James was going to be its father. It was crazy. But a smile touched her lips nonetheless, making her look so happy in her sleep. As if she was seeing the most beautiful thing.

But her sleep was soon interrupted by the strong voice of the man next to her. And something was telling her it was not going to be good. Opening her eyes slowly, Circe didn't even have time to turn and ask him what was going on. He was furious and she couldn't understand why.


"Circe, you're bleeding."

I what?, the woman thought as she woke up for good, jumping up in an instant and groaning at the sudden change, a hand going down to rest just below her belly button.
Looking down on the bed, she could already see the red patch that had formed because of her, and she remained there, staring at it for a good five minutes, not saying a word.

She didn't know whether to be happy or not. Circe had just gotten her period, which took her out of the difficult state, proving just how much not pregnant she was. But how was she going to explain to James that her period was simply really, really late? He would think she had lied to him and she was sure this wouldn't end well.

"Well, first of all, it seems you won't be a dad anytime soon."
But the woman knew this was not going to be enough to calm down the man that wouldn't even come closer to her now. And the nervous feeling was taking over her more and more.
"I just... I just got my period. I'm not pregnant, James. It just.. came late."

And then she made no move to get away. She didn't know what to do, so she simply remained still, waiting for a response from the man on the other side of the room.
He was going to kill her.
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:03 pm

James knew how the monthly cycle of women worked. He wasn't a child, nor naive. There were times in the month where his... frequent bed partners were 'unavailable' and he knew why. But, in that moment, with the fact he believed Circe to be pregnant, he had, quite honestly, worried that this was something worse than a period.

A miscarriage.

"Well, first of all, it seems you won't be a dad anytime soon."

Those words might have been comforting at any other point. But James did not find them so. His head was spinning at a million resolutions a second and he simply looked blankly back at the witch. Was this good? Was this some terrible happening that he should be worrying about? Did he need to get her to the hospital to be checked up? So many questions, and she chose to go for that?

"I just... I just got my period. I'm not pregnant, James. It just.. came late."

James shook his head, trying to get his head around it. "You said you were pregnant." He responded, guarding himself now because his internal voice was screaming she had lied. Tried to trap him in to a relationship under the pretense of a baby. That she'd been caught out by a miscalculation.

And yet a very small, reasonable part of James told him that she was telling the truth.

"Did you even check? Do a test?" James asked, not moving towards the witch on his bed, but also not moving away either. "Are you sure it's your period and not..." The words failed James though, he knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

He had no clue what to do now, either. It changed a lot of things...

But, despite being furious, James already knew he didn't want her to leave. Just, explain.
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:56 pm

"You said you were pregnant."

Of course he wouldn't believe me, the witch though as she stared at James pleadingly. He had to understand she had meant no harm when she had told him she was possibly pregnant. What had he expected her to do? She was a young woman, who had fallen for him when she shouldn't have, and her period was missing. Which meant there was a possibility for her to be pregnant and the right thing to do was to inform him. She never lied to him, he had to know that!

"Did you even check? Do a test?"

Circe kept her head hanging low, shaking her head negative as he asked her all these. Was this an interrogation? She hadn't done anything wrong!
"No, I didn't take a test. I am sorry. I was too... too nervous and worried and I didn't trust these muggle things at all."

But the worst part was that Circe was not sure this was her period. Because she could have been pregnant. And if she was pregnant, this could be something more than her normal monthly bleeding.
Circe might have had a miscarriage. And that was even more scary than the idea of a baby.

"Are you sure it's your period and not..."

Circe took a deep breath. She had to be honest with him, she wanted to be honest with him. Because if this was a miscarriage... it could have been his baby. His child. And it was now.. dead, before it could even live.
"Honestly... I really want to believe it's just my period but.."
But the sob that escaped her throat didn't allow her to finish. Circe broke down, hiding her face in her hands as she cried, not ready to accept that she had possibly lost her first child.

"I might have just lost our baby.." she mumbled through the tears, but James would be able to make it out. She was lost, tired, and she certainly didn't know what to do. She was a Healer yet she was just too stressed to think clearly. She needed him.
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Sun Mar 06, 2016 8:10 pm

"You..." James let out a rye laugh upon finding out Circe hadn't done any test before telling him she was pregnant. Bringing a hand up to his face, turning away from her as he shook his head. Her been stupid. He should have asked for proof, but he'd blindly accepted her words without so much as a tiny piece of proof.

Wouldn't the Muggle test have been better than nothing? James wanted to demand more of her but his head was pounding and he didn't feel up to doing that much.

But the next bit... The next bit James had not been ready for.

Feeling himself go cold as Circe broke down in to sobs, James felt guilty for his outburst. No matter how founded it might have been he hadn't meant to reduce her to tears. Turning back towards the witch, James hesitated for a moment before moving back to her. Words failed the Potions master as he sat down next to her. Hesitating for another moment, James tentatively put his arm around Circe and pulled her in to his chest.

Questions filled his head. Accusations of things meant only to push her away.

But only silence came as James processed the loss of his child. Whether that child had ever been there, it was lost.
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:42 pm

The woman was lost. She was crying her eyes out and she couldn't stop. It was terrible. She felt terrible. And the worst part was that she had never meant to hurt him in any way. Even though there were times that Circe felt so used by James, that she really wanted to get her revenge, but no. She had feelings for him. Feelings that were so strong that she couldn't hurt him. Not willingly. Even if he deserved it.

So when he moved away from her, Circe knew it was over. Those few intimate moments that they shared 24 hours ago were now gone. And she doubted that they would be able to get them back. She doubted she would be able to get him back again. She had lost him because she was foolish. Circe Mayer had accepted that much of her. She had been a foolish little girl, who fell for a stranger and got herself into this mess. But she cared about him, and even if having a child had been scary, she would have loved it. She would have loved their child.

But all her thoughts vanished when she felt James sit next to her, and hesitantly, put his arm around her, pulling her to him. Circe allowed him to pull her close, crying even more inside his chest. She wanted him. She needed him now more than ever, because she was broken, and she had no one. Her brother was still away for business, and Circe had not dared to tell him about the possibility of a pregnancy.

"I lost the baby, James..," she said with a sob, wrapping her arms around him and holding him close to her, trying to hold on to the only thing she had in her life. James was the only person she had. He was everything as of now.

"I am so sorry..."

Heartbroken, Circe didn't even make a move to untangle herself from his embrace. She couldn't think clearly, which didn't allow her much time to consider that this could not be a miscarriage, but just her period being late.
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:03 pm

James gave no response to the words that Circe spoke, his eyes focused on the wall before him as he mulled over the situation. Facts, he needed facts to work with. To calm himself down.

Circe had believed there was a baby. Fact.
Circe had told him because she thought it was the best thing to do. Fact.
He and Circe had made... been intimate last night. Fact.
James had, to an extent, enjoyed that feeling. Fact.
James had agreed to them. Something. Fact.
And this morning, all of that seemed to have unraveled before it had started. Fact.
James didn't want her to leave. Fact.
But he also didn't know what to do. Fact.

Except...

"Let's get you cleaned up." James finally said, breaking the silence as he lifted the witch up with minimal effort and carried her through to the bathroom. He paused only to lower the witch on to the side of the bath, turning the water on and busying himself with bubbles. James checked the water, and helped Circe in to the bath, before sitting on the edge of it.

He wasn't looking at Circe, for he didn't know that this would help. Instead, the potions master ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes unfocused as he processed everything in his head. "What now?" James asked softly after an agonising few minutes, though his eyes still wouldn't stray to her.
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:38 pm

Circe didn't make a move to stop him as he lifted her up in his arms and slowly moved out of the room and towards his bathroom. He was going to help her get all cleaned up but even after a bath, Circe would still feel dirty. Because this was not just blood. It felt as if she was a whore. She was a filth. It was terrible, and her head was spinning. What were they going to do now?

As she was placed into the water, after James had made sure the temperature and everything was okay, Circe closed her eyes, avoiding to look at him. This was the most awkward silence of her life. James was not going to look or talk at her and it was killing her. It was tormenting her. She had lost the man she had fought to have, before she even had the time to win him.

"What now?"

Circe looked at him, the pain obvious in her eyes. The fight was lost, and even if she was pushing herself to still have hope, she knew there was no use. James would never believe her ever again, since she meant practically nothing. The only thing that actually kept them together was the baby that would be born into this world, and now it was lost. There was no baby anymore. Which meant there was no more of them.

"What now? You don't even want to look at me anymore.. What do you expect me to say? That we should still fight? If you don't want to.. there's no point."
Sliding herself farther down, Circe sighed, silent tears rolling down her cheeks once again.

She loved him. Or she felt like she loved him. Her feelings for him were strong and she was tired of fighting that. There was no point anymore.

Shaking her head, Circe wanted to cry again. She wanted to go home, lock herself in her room and cry till there were no more tears left. Pushing herself up, she slowly got out of the bathtub, and fell down on her knees, not able to stand on her own. She was broken. She couldn't fight this alone.

"Let me go.. If you don't want me, let me go."
Biting her lip, Circe balled her hands into fists and tried to keep in the sobs.
"I am done hurting you.. please.. Just.. you were right.. I was never the one."
It was only a whisper, the last signs of remaining strength leaving Circe's body. She was going mad from the shock, and someone needed to bring her back before it was too late.
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:59 pm

"I don't want to look at you." James echoed, half scoffing, half angry in that moment. "I'm sorry." He added, sarcasm dripping from his tone as he turned to look at her. His eyes showed that the anger in his voice was not matched with the feelings inside. "Does it make this any easier for you if I look at you?"

But as Circe fell from the bath, James hurried to her side, checking she was okay as she started to break down once more. Her words were nothing short of stupid, and for a moment, James thought of telling her that. Simply stating she was stupid. But the words died as he opened his mouth to say it, perhaps his brain jumping in to action before he made too much of a mess of this already awful situation.

Shifting enough to get the witch a towel as she jabbered on, James wrapped it around her before sitting in front of her. A frown touched his features in that moment, indicating he was definitely not happy. "Circe. Stop it." He told her firmly - no would not be an answer in that moment, and if she tried to continue, he would shake her, hard, until she listened to him.

"What the fuck do you think last night was? Really. You asked me to decide what the fuck I wanted, you made me tell you all these stupid feelings that I have, made me feel uptight, and useless as I fell over every damn word. And you have the... audacity to think I'm going to throw you out. You just... we..." He was flabbergasted, really. Had his words meant nothing. He wasn't the one who had lied, and yet he was the one being put to the blame right now.

"What we did last night, you think I do that with any girl? You think I want to be soft and... that with just anyone? Just because... because the baby is gone, doesn't mean..." James simply shook his head, the final sentence not daring to leave his lips, but his facial expression, with the anger gone and his wall down, it showed that he cared, show that he was worried, sad, and scared.

"I was trying to help." He finished, in nothing more than a whisper, the hurt flickering in to his voice because James simply didn't know how else to help in that moment, but Circe... Circe was being so ungrateful and he considered for a moment if this was what she wanted.
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PostSubject: Re: The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)   Mon Mar 07, 2016 9:18 pm

"Circe. Stop it."

It was a mere warning, and if Circe was in the right state of mind, she would have stopped. She would have stopped before things got of hand and both of them spoke words that they might have regretting just as soon as they voiced them.
But she was shocked from everything that's been going on lately. And now, she was pushed over the edge.

"What the fuck do you think last night was? Really. You asked me to decide what the fuck I wanted, you made me tell you all these stupid feelings that I have, made me feel uptight, and useless as I fell over every damn word. And you have the... audacity to think I'm going to throw you out. You just... we..."

Circe looked at him. Really looked at him. He was having trouble explaining what he wanted to say, but Circe knew him better than anyone else had ever had the chance to know him. She was the one for him, and she knew that since day one. Since the first night he had touched her naked flesh. And then it took him less than 4 moths for him to touch a piece of her heart. And now here they were, with her baring her soul to him, giving him everything she had. And breaking in half.

"What we did last night, you think I do that with any girl? You think I want to be soft and... that with just anyone? Just because... because the baby is gone, doesn't mean..."

But Circe was not blind. Neither was she stupid. And the more James talked, the more he slowly expressed his feelings in his own way, Circe was beginning to go back to her usual state of mind. The right state of mind. The shock was slowly leaving her body and the woman that was helplessly holding on was waking up from the slumber. She was slowly understanding the chaos she had created, and all that because of James. He was her drug, but he was also the only person that could keep her sane.

"I was trying to help."

For someone else, this would be a simple statement. But Circe had caught on the pain and the anger that lingered in his voice. James was not cold. He was emotional, and he was baring his soul to her too, but she was too blind to see it. She was being ungrateful, completely throwing away even the smallest things James had managed to give to her. She had promised to help him but she was, instead, making his life even harder.

"No... No, James. I am sorry!"
Grabbing the towel he had gotten for her, Circe wrapped it around it before she moved closer to the man that had just allowed his walls to break down just for her. Reaching one hand to touch his cheek, Circe made him look at her.
He was the strongest, and most emotional man she had ever met. He was beautiful. And she would make him see that.

"I was wrong. I was being ungrateful. You.. you pushed your old habits away for me. You tried for me. You are here for me. And I promised to help you, us through this. I just.. I just got scared of losing you, James. Because.."
She took a deep breath, calming herself down and preparing her mind for what she was about to say.
"Because, James, you mean everything to me. And I know this sounds crazy to you, but I am not saying this to make you commit to me. I am saying this because I care for you, I.."

But she couldn't bring herself to say it yet. She was afraid this would scare James away from her. That if she ever told him how much she loved him, he would run away.
"You are the only man that makes me feel this way. You are the only one for me. And you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

"That is why I want to fight for us, James. Because I need you. And I recognize every little thing you've done for me. In your own way. I don't want you to push yourself. You've already taken quite a few big steps in your life. After all, I still fell for James Balan, and I never said I wanted a precious little prince. I need my bad boy."

A soft smile touched her lips at that, and Circe moved even closer, hesitantly burying her face into his neck and inhaling his scent. He always calmed her down just by being next to her. She was bound to him.
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The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)
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