The grand IKEA blind date of doom (Briella-Ashley)

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Joshua had never been one for blind dates. Who needed a sign-up sheet and random generation system when natural wits and looks would go so much further? But lately, he'd found, the usual charms of Joshua Abbott had not been getting him as far as he'd usually been able to get.

She here he was, his name on a list with hundreds of other witches and wizards looking for a good time with a stranger whom they'd never met. The worst part, by far, was that he was expected to come up with some grand scheme of a date that would knock his lady off of her feet. He'd knocked many women off of their feet before, but he didn't think that the usual tactics would be appropriate in this context.

He'd dug into the deepest parts of his brain to find any ideas for date spots that could possibly be laying around. Dinner, maybe? The dinner date was such a simple concept that it had practically no margin for error. But was just dinner a good enough plan? Of course not. He had to think deeper.

And then it came to him. They would have dinner. But they would have dinner in one of the most magical places in the world. A place where dreams came true. A place where dreams tasted like Swedish Meatballs frolicking through fields made of chair-parts. It was perfect.

On the day of the date, Joshua greeted the lady at the front of a building larger than a small shopping mall. He'd sent her an email explaining that they would be meeting in Almhult, Sweden. So hopefully she knew Swedish. He did not.

He'd been set up with a girl named Briella-Ashley. She believed that she was a student at Hogwarts, probably a few years younger. Anyone with two names must be a priss, though. Plus, she was blond. The princess warning signs were everywhere. Hopefully she wasn't too much of a princess. This would be no fun if she was too much of a princess.

Joshua smiled and took the girl's hand.
"Welcome, Princess," he said. "I am Joshua Abbott and this is IKEA, the happiest place on Earth." He then opened the door to the happiest day of his life. This was going to be great.

Guest

Once again, thanks to her brothers, Briella found herself in a situation she was not looking forward to in the least. It was one step too far and, had her father or sister-in-law found out about it, would have resulted in a lot of punishments all around -- her brothers for daring her, and her for accepting. (She could practically hear her father's voice telling her, once again, that just because she was dared to do something didn't mean she actually had to do it.)

She let out a sigh as she told Damien of the location of the date. He would hover around for a little while, out of sight, to make sure things were alright and she was safe, before disappearing. If Briella guessed right -- and she always usually did -- he wasn't telling the truth. He would remain nearby the entire time, if only to take pictures or record it for Owen.

Wearing a pair of torn jeans and a simple t-shirt, Briella took hold of his arm, ignoring his further jabs, and allowed him to apparate her to... Sweden. It was an odd location choice, but then again, Briella was never one to question weird things; she lived weird. That was, after all, why she'd signed up for a blind date, pretending to be older than she actually was (it wasn't hard to make herself look older, after all) so she could.

And now, here she was, about to go on a blind freaking date with some guy named Joshua Abbott. She recognised the name. It was someone from school -- a badger, if she recalled correctly -- that got held back multiple times for whatever reason. Great. Of all people, she had to be stuck with some guy who really should've dropped out a while ago. Sweeping her hair out of her face, she gave her brother a death-glare and turned, not so much as a word to him, and headed towards the entrance.

The greeting made her cringe, and the first thing she did was hold up a hand in a 'stop' motion. "Let's clarify a few things," she told him, an edge to her tone that dared him to defy her. "Firstly, and most importantly, if you call me Princess or any other affectionate nickname, I will hurt you. I may not be able to hex you, but I can throw a mean right hook." She paused for a second, then went on. "Secondly, I lied. I'm not eighteen. I'm fifteen, and I only signed up for this blo-- stupid blind dating thing because my brothers thought it was a good idea to dare me to. I'm not interested in dating, boys, or going out with anyone. The only reason I'm sticking around is because it was a part of the dare." She shrugged. "So let's just get this done and over with, so I can go back to living life normally, without dates or crap like this."

Lifting a corner of her mouth in a smile, she added, "Any questions, or am I clear enough?"

Guest

Almost as soon as began to speak, the blonde firecracker of a human being in front of him started reciting her own monologue of rules and guidelines for how this outing was to go down. He tried as hard as he could to take her seriously, but it was of little to no use. This chick had a stick so far up her ass that she probably hadn't been able to take a decent shit in months.

The first comment she made was on the nickname.
"Cute," he repeated, trying his best not to laugh. He hadn't meant for the princess remark to be cute. And honestly, she was very much living up to the name in this very moment.
"Gotcha. No cute names." he nodded very seriously, just so she'd understood that he was a man of his word.

"So would you rather I call you duchess? Or perhaps Your Heinous? Oh I know. Snippy. I'll call you Snippy." It had nothing to do with the royal theme, but the name seemed to fit her.

As she continued on her rant, Joshua couldn't help but find a bit of respect for her predicament. She'd been dared by her brothers to go on this blind date. Josh wished that he'd been dared to do this. At least then he'd be able to justify doing something as desperate as signing up for a blind date.

"Slow you're fu**ing roll, Snippy," He said. As she'd just admitted to being four years younger, one would think that Joshua would know not to use such language. Joshua knew that it would be the right way to behave. But Joshua did not care.

"While you may be here on a dare, I signed up for this looking for some fun. Now, this fun could be completely platonic. I will even stay fifty feet away from you at all times if you wish. But I will have a good time and I can assure that you will too."

He paused for a moment, allowing the words to really sink in. He was not speaking sternly. Joshua did not believe in barking orders at people. He spoke calmly and kept a smile on his face.

"Do you know why we will have fun?" he continued, now gesturing to the building before them.

"Because, Snippy. We are at IKEA. And not only are we at IKEA, but we are at the first IKEA ever to be created. Do you understand how magical this moment is? Because I don't think you do."

He looked her in the eye one last time.

"Now, Snippy," he said. "Are you ready to platonically have some fun?"

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