Always Be Found, Not Alone, Home (Jake, Veronika + Ivan)

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"Hold on to me as we go, as we roll down this unfamiliar road, and although this wave is stringing us along.
Just know you’re not alone, cause I’m gonna make this place your home…”

AUGUST 2017
ST MUNGO'S

Veronika was stuck in a state of pure and true depression. There wasn’t a day that passed in color. There were shreds of it, shreds whenever she saw Jake’s concerned eyes, whenever her fathers came by with roses, whenever her friends were in and forced her to laugh. Not a day passed that she wasn’t thinking about her baby. Beautiful, innocent, free of sin, too good, too much light. He was supposed to be healthy too. He was supposed to be in her arms, and they were supposed to be in the apartment. He would sleep on her chest, get familiar with her scent, and she’d wake up early in the morning to change his diapers. Her total world was supposed Ivan-centric.

And it was.

Her soul was a bottomless abyss of utter devastation and the only thing that could fill that abyss would be holding her baby. Actually getting to hold her child, actually getting to be with him, actually getting to smell and love him. That was the only cure.

She stayed in the Psychiatric Ward, just a ten minute walk from where they were treating Ivan. She had trouble eating. She instead, practically forced Beatriz to get her nutrition potions. There were so many health issues revolving around Ivan. She wasn’t able to breastfeed him, since he couldn’t breath quite yet, but she was able to pump. They used IV’s to feed it to him while they worked on his lungs. She had lost most of the baby weight; her body was slimming back to pre-pregnancy. She found that with Ivan she missed the weight of him on her abdomen; she would give anything, her job, her happiness, her life to go back and to re-do whatever it wast that caused her baby to come into a world unready for him.

She talked to Psychiatrists; they offered relief in the form of magical drugs, of potions, of memory loss potions. Ways to forget all the pain she’d endured. But she denied them all. She couldn’t stand forgetting that the blame was all on her. She needed the pain to remember that there was still hope.

The Healers told her that it was Ivan’s magical core that urged his birth. Her case was no true unique one; many magical babies were born premature. That was, most however, were done within three-four week window of earliness. Ivan’s magical core was to be strong; durable, reliable, flexible. They told her that it was his magic keeping him alive though his lungs weren’t fully functioning yet. They said it was a good thing, to have a very magical baby.

Veronika would have wished him a squib if it meant he could breath right.

She curled further into the window seat of her room and clutched her sides. She could slide both of her hands around her torso again. It would look like she’d never been pregnant in the first place to anyone but Jake. She closed her eyes and dreamt of a better world.

SEPTEMBER 2017
ST MUNGO’S

“Miss Hollands,” Healer Joznay began as she entered the room, in her arms was a bundle of blue. “He’s fully functioning, just needs his mother’s warmth.”

Veronika’s heart had stopped in her chest. She knew that Ivan and her were due out of the hospital any day, but now that the day was here she couldn’t help but cry. Loud, angst-y sobs were ripped from her throat as relief-filled tears slipped from her eyes. She wiped the tears away to see her fathers standing in the room too, tears falling down their own cheeks, Beatriz bouncing her own boy on her knee with watery eyes and Teresena smiling softly, anchoring all of her sadness and reminding her to push on. She opened her arms as she sat up straighter in her bed.

Once Ivan connected with her it was as if her soul was complete. He was awake and staring at her with grey blue eyes, her brow furrowed.

“They’re going to lighten into a blue, I’m told,” Healer Joznay provided smiling and nodding. Veronika nodded dumbly as she smiled broadly. The first smile in weeks. The world around her was flourishing, was blooming, and turning to a rainbow of pure and utter joy. This was it.

“He’s perfect, Jake,” she called out to her boyfriend tilting Ivan to look at his father, just for a moment. She couldn’t help it. She was so greedy for her baby. He was heavier than she expected, Joznay later explained the cocktails of potions they had to feed him was hefty in nutrients to increase his immune system and whatnot making him gain the weight he needed to when he was actually meant to be born, but nonetheless beautiful.

“Hi Ivan, I’m mommy. But you know that don’t you? Don’t go scaring me like that, baby,” she started to say, a tear slipping out. An errant balled up fist batted at her face, as if to make the tears go away. She smiled wider. He started squirming then, his barely there brows furrowing, before his little mouth opened to yawn. “Sleepy huh baby? You wanna sleep, mommy’s here to help you. Mommy’s here now and mommy’s never ever leaving.” She whispered as she leaned against the pillows and gently rocked him in her arms.

Over the next three hours before she was to be discharged, each member of the family got a chance to hold him. Beatriz’ child was overly invested in poking his face before Veronika’s father removed him and bought him pudding. Teresena smoothed her brow when it became furrowed the moment Ivan moved even a little from his slumber. She hadn’t thought of it, but now that Ivan was proven to be in a safe environment she thought about what they’d be returning to. She had left the task of finishing the nursery up to Jake, and he most likely delivered, as far as she was concerned.

“He’s beautiful,” she murmured to Jake, smiling with eyes full of unadulterated happiness, she reached forward for his hand, “I love him, I love you. This is it, Jake, everything, and you gave it to me. Thank you so so much.” She pressed a kiss to his lips, after tilting his head with her free hand. She slid her hand down to his cheek, and kept their foreheads pressed together. She couldn’t help but blurt out the next part: “We’re gonna be wonderful parents, Jake, because parents who love their baby as much as we love him can do him no wrong.”

She pulled away as Tristian rounded near them with Ivan in his arms.

"Does the proud daddy want to hold the baby?" He asked, "the proud grandpas have had their fill." Veronika looked at Jake expectantly, smiling softly, her heart pounding a bit at being able to see the man of her dreams holding her baby.

"If you get lost you can always be found. Just know you're not alone, cause I'm gonna make this place your home."

There was, in Jake's mind, no worse stress than not knowing everything you needed to know. No worse stress than not knowing if everything you wanted was going going to pan out exactly as you wanted it. Which meant that the arrival of his son so early was stressful, one because Ivan had been born without his lungs functioning properly, which meant there was great uncertainty as to whether he would survive.

But two, because with Ivan's current state of health, Veronika's health deteriorated with the stress. Oh, not to a life threatening manner, no Veronika's friends, family and he had not allowed Veronika to deteriorate like that, but he could see the worry, the stress in her eyes, her actions. Everything. The tears that he wasn't supposed to see, Jake saw, the pain she felt, he did too. Maybe not as deeply, he'd never claim to hurt as deeply as the woman who'd carried their baby, Veronika had a bond with Ivan and it had been pulled away from her.

And, perhaps it was best that Jake didn't understand the full extent of what she was going through. If he'd of known how much she'd been going through... he probably wouldn't have stayed so strong through the whole ordeal. Strong for Veronika, for himself, and their future.

Jake had left Veronika only to work - and when he was not there, Jake had made sure that someone could be there with his fiance, just in case. He dreaded being away, in case he missed something important. But, he had to keep working, otherwise he would go mad from being cooped up. It was selfish, but Jake wanted to keep things as normal as possible.

Even if that was the furthest idea from the truth in the world.

The month of August had gone slowly for all the family. His mom had moved in to the flat - for now, she would leave as soon as Veronika was home - she visited as much as she could, bringing Jake and Veronika meals. It was only Jake who ate them, though, and that... well, it hadn't gone without trying to get Veronika to eat something. The potions were okay, but it wasn't healthy. Jake hadn't gotten through to her on that one, though, and after a week, he'd stopped pestering his fiance in fear of pushing her away.

***

It had been a morning in early September, just as Jake came off a night shift from the Ministry. He was dog-tired, and ready to fall asleep in the arm chair beside Veronika's bed. He'd just kissed Veronika's cheek with a soft hello when footsteps sounded behind him. Turning around ever so slightly to see who it was, Jake froze. The bundle of blankets - that was all he could see - gave him a small amount of hope as Healer Joznay moved to Veronika's side, telling them the good news.

Ivan was healthy, he was breathing on his own.

Jake felt himself choke up with those words, a thank you escaping his lips again and again as he looked to the Healer, and then his fiance, his son. Veronika tilted him slightly, and Jake just saw the small features of his son and couldn't help but smile warmly back at him. "I told you he was perfect, you did perfect." Jake insisted, feeling all the worry of the past month leave him as he leant over to kiss Veronika on the lips, holding it for a moment because he simply couldn't resist. They had a perfect little family now, and Jake couldn't of been happier.

He moved away only to let Veronika's dad's see their grandson, taking the opportunity to move to the fireplace and Floo his mom with the great news. She had arrived with his dad and Victoria an hour later, getting stuck in to the hubbub of baby Ivan. Jake hadn't had a chance in the first three hours to hold his son, he was happy letting everyone else have a cuddle, because he knew that he would have lots of cuddles when they got home. Cuddles with his son and Veronika, which didn't need the prying eyes of their families. He could wait.

As Jake sat down next to Veronika on the bed, he let himself relax back on the pillow with his girlfriend, the tiredness he'd felt when he'd come back was gone, replaced with excitement instead. With everyone busy, Jake watching, he hadn't noticed Veronika move until her hand held hers, and the words met his ears. Words of love that brought a smile to his lips. "I love you too. And our little family." He added, pressing his lips firmly to hers. He'd missed this, Veronika as he loved her, but he'd understood.

"You're already the best mom in the world." Jake replied, allowing their small moment together to consume him. Relief was everything he felt in that moment, and it was difficult to express how glad he was to have her back, smiling.

"Does the proud daddy want to hold the baby?"

Looking away from Veronika, Jake smiled at Tristain. "I thought I was never going to get a chance!" Jake joked softly, sitting up a little on the bed and taking Ivan carefully from his grandfather. The hold he remembered from holding Kai's baby, but this was so much different. He was scared, of course he was, but he felt much more capable with Ivan. "Hello, little man." Jake cooed in a whisper, his eyes prickling with tears. He was proud, so proud to be a father, and now that he finally had his son in his arms, he couldn't help but let the tears slip down his cheeks. Tears of happiness.

"It's Daddy, and Mommy, look." Jake said, lying back so that Veronika could see them both. "We're going to be one happy family, yes we are." Jake added, leaning down to kiss his son's head. "And no one is going to change that."

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~ Auror ~ Profile ~ DADA Professor ~
~ In a Relationship ~ 36 ~ Father ~ 6' ~ American Accent ~

» Welcome to the World (Veronika, Jake + Ivan)
» Domesticity (Jake, Veronika + Ivan)
» In the mood for tea (Jake and Ivan!)
» But he calls his Mama back every chance he gets (Jake & Ivan)
» What We Are (Jake & Veronika)