Appearances Can Be Deceiving [Christopher]

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There were two courses of action she wanted to pursue, two vastly different areas of conversation she wanted to touch upon. They couldn't be done together, and if she started on one, Merlin only knew it could take hours, if not days, before the other would be brought up. And so, for a while more, she said nothing, merely watching him and thinking, eyes glinting as her mind raced with thoughts. She no longer needed to hide the fact she was processing information and no longer needed to pretend she didn't understand something; rather, she hoped he would understand that she never spoke before thinking, and her silence was not a sign of stupidity like he had before -- rather she was mentally analysing different aspects of things.

It was a rabbit hole that, if she hadn't trained herself to get out of before she went too deep, she'd never return from. Indeed, if she could but sit and think and record her thoughts without ever really speaking, she knew she could do it for days if not weeks. There was just too much to think about.

If she were to be honest, Lilliana was somewhat dissatisfied by the lack of questions coming from Christopher. Either he thought he had it all figured out (in which case he would be wrong; nobody who thought they knew everything were ever truly smart at the end of the day. As Socrates once said, "I am the smartest man alive for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.") or he was too afraid, in which case he'd also learnt nothing.

She wasn't typical, not fully. Oh, sure, she would obey the social constructs of the Pureblood society she both loved and despised, but she was never in the belief that questions should be held back for any other reason than it being an inappropiate time. There was, however, nothing inappropiate about the current situation; they were alone, with nobody nearby, and nothing to interrupt them. Why, then, wasn't he asking her anything? Surely -- surely -- there were thing he wanted to know, more than the little bit of information she'd given him?

That was the first point she could have brought up; she could have commented on it and told him not to be ... whatever it was. Shy? Embarassed? Afraid? Polite? ... and to not hold back. Tell him she was willing to answer everything and anything, and that, for the moment, there would be no social barriers between them; nothing would be too inappropiate.

And then there was the second option -- potions.

The question she had first raised -- and the questions he had raised with his answer -- was fascinating. Indeed, she had been thinking about it on her own, but it had never been done in full seriousness. But now that Christopher had continued the ball rolling, Lilliana couldn't help but realise there was so much potential lurking behind the seemingly innocent possibility of combining muggle magic and chemistry.

What could she -- they -- accomplish with this? There was a moment where she wondered how much chemistry Christopher knew, but that would be easily taken off later, should it arise that he wasn't as well versed as her; it would be interesting for him to be on the receiving end of lessons from her, but that was something that might or might not happen, and either way Lilliana was satisfied. Still, if they were to actually try this, there would have to be careful manipulation of the results in order that most, if not all, of her contributions were not known to anyone other than the Professor.

If, of course, James Balan could be trusted with such a secret. Lilliana was very careful when it came to which Professor knew her capabilities. That is to say, those that kept their mouths shut and never asked questions. The list, therefore, was short.

But before she could reach a solid conclusion as to which path she wanted to take, Christopher was speaking, replying her, and she caught the one loaded word that made all the world of difference. She mentally waved away the smile; that did nothing to change his words. Knowingly. It was a word that held so much weight. Put together with the rest of what he said, and the message was clear -- she'd toed the line today, a line he hadn't known existed, and he was now making a new line, the constraits of which meant she would never, ever do anything like this again.

And, somehow, Lilliana found herself okay with that idea.

With a gentle laugh, one that showed not only that she understood but that she accepted it, and one that was not mocking or teasing in any manner, she smiled at him. "I promise there will be no more deceptions that could do you harm or embarassment of any sort, on my part, Christopher," she told him, tone gentle and soft. "Naturally, this does not cover surprises for anniversaries, birthdays, or other celebrations, unless you are so adverse to surprises that you would prefer I don't." Her smile was now slightly teasing, and her eyes glinted in clear amusement. "Would you be against such form of deception, if only temporary and for your enjoyment?"

This was a third option she didn't have before that bypassed the previous two altogether, even if only for a short moment, and it gave her more time to ponder and figure out which route she wanted to take first.

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Christopher listened as Lilliana promised that she would not deceive him again. He took that with a pinch of salt in this moment, though. He couldn't say he trusted her, in truth. How could you trust someone who had been deceiving you for so long? No, the trust would need to rebuild until he would trust that she would not do something like this again.

He would have to give it time so that Serafina would not be pronounced right once again. Her letters were like a burning imprint in his mind at the moment, but he pushed them aside.

The teasing comment, though, did make Christopher smile, and then let out a small laugh. "Surprises," Christopher replied, "are definitely allowable. But don't have to be limited to special occasions." He added, an amused smile playing on his lips. "Preferably, though, surprises that don't include my sisters in any manner -- because I can tell you now that that would be a huge disappointment."

For a moment, Christopher's features were serious and then he let out a laugh to show that he was joking. Lilliana didn't need to know about the rivalry between him and his sisters, not yet, and thus he didn't go down that route. Instead, he allowed a small pause, thinking to himself for a few moments, before he returned to the original problem.

The part he couldn't get his head around.

"When we first met..." Christopher started, giving Lilliana time to think back, but also himself time to think around his question a little more aptly. "You could have been you. You could have portrayed yourself as clever -- perhaps... perhaps not as clever as you are, but still clever. And yet, you went for the airhead vibe -- sorry, I don't mean that... You know what I mean. Why? Why put yourself so far from the truth that it wouldn't fit your upbringing?

"I mean, you had me fooled. So I'm not saying it wasn't convincing. But it can't have been easy to continue that role all through the times we've been together. I'm sure I've treated you in a manner most infuriating for you to deal with. But you've let me..." Christopher said, pausing. "It doesn't make sense..."

Christopher was now frowning slightly, piecing together all the information he had in the best possible manner. He didn't care if he had to ask the obvious questions to learn more about Lilliana. He was sure she would forgive him for asking questions she could only see as obvious. After all, they could only move forward if the path behind was left clean.

"Oh," Christopher added, laughing to himself slightly that his mind could conjure up this question now, even though it was an insignificant one before. "A Pureblood woman does not get drunk. You might be a Pureblood woman, but you never answered my question the first time we met. You avoided it." Christopher prompted, looking to her for the real answer, and the story behind why she had avoided him the first time he'd asked.

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[[OOC: I think this is the most Lilliana has ever said, ever. I'm amused. She's really opening up to him xD]]

At the mention of his sisters, Lilliana merely smiled, and nodded. Internally, though, she let out a single cuss word. She'd almost forgotten that point, and it was far too late to bring it up now; Serafina knew. From the first meeting, Serafina had known about Lilliana's deceit, and had gone so far as to offer advice on how to continue the charade.

And while it wasn't being brought up now, Christopher would no doubt figure it out at some point and ask -- or she would tell him. She'd promised no secrets, after all, and that was a massive one that definitely needed telling. The only question was how; how would she bring it up? How would she tell Chris that his own sister had been involved in the lies? There was no real way. Besides, she didn't want to rat out Serafina...

She pushed it aside for now; she'd figure it out when the time came. Instead, she turned her attention to his next statement.

"Why indeed," she said, chuckling lightly. "I could say I got carried away with it, potrayed myself a little too lacking and then found no opportunity to ammend it. That would be a plausible explanation, but it would be a lie." She paused, making sure Christopher was still following, and then said, "It has mostly to do with upbringing. I do not doubt you remember what I said earlier -- that my mother raised me to believe that no real Pureblood would want a woman smarter than them. This is not entirely true; she told me that no Pureblood male worthy of respect would want a woman who was smart."

"Looking back, I strongly suspect she was -- and is -- merely jealous of my ability to comprehend things that she can't and the speed with which I learn and absorb information," she continued, not faltering in her explanation, although she had never really admitted this to anyone before. This was new territory, but for some reason she wasn't uncomfortable; she trusted Christopher. "However, that is mere speculation, and I would appreciate it if you did not take it as truth."

Smiling a little, she gathered her thoughts once more and went on. "I was, therefore, taught from a young age not to show any signs of intelligence beyond my mother -- and she, I am not ashamed to admit in private, although I would never say anything like this outside of the constraints of trust, is as you put it, an 'airhead'." She lifted a shoulder ever-so-slightly in what would no doubt be a shrug had she not controlled it so well. "My mother would not have known how to answer the questions we were presented, and as such I did not, either."

There was more she wanted to say, but she figured it was enough for now. At the end of the day, there was no point badmouthing her mother, even if what she said was true, and Lilliana still held some sense of respect for her family.

Instead, she concluded, "It wasn't easy, you are right, but there is an ease with familiarity, and it wasn't a position I wasn't used to." She flashed him a smile that was part teasing and part accepting, showing him she held no grudges. "In any case, I could spend my time mentally penning letters to friends; what you didn't realise was that, while our assignents went on, I was holding in depth discussions with various other people about various topics, and whenever I would seem distracted when you tried to uh... help me on topics, I was reviewing their arguments and constructing counter-arguments of my own. If you are ever interested, I could show them to you; I keep copies of them all."

She laughed, too, at his next point, a knowing glint in her eyes. "Let me ask you the a question, and you shall have your answer as to why I avoided it: would you think less of a Pureblood family if you know their women willingly and knowingly inhibited their minds and actions by getting drunk, even if only once? It has nothing to do with 'living' as you put it, and everything to do with my and my family's reputation. The drunkesness of a male can and usually is overlooked; the double standards present, however, mean that it would not be so easily forgiven for a female to do the same."

Pausing, she smiled at him. "To answer fully, however: yes. I have been drunk once and only once, in a controlled environment, out of sheer curiosity -- and also to test my limits. It was not an experience I enjoyed; I prefer being a hundred percent in control of my mind and my actions without that haze of alcohol clouding my judgement."

There was a short lull, and Lilliana sighed very gently and softly to herself as the previous issue rose again. She would have to tell him. Quietly, seriously, she turned to look Chris in the eyes. "I need to tell you something else," she said, tone taking on a hesitant quality. This was real; she was done faking. "You're not going to like it."

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The answer that had been given to him as a development of Lilliana's earlier point. However, this time it was a lot more loaded, and Christopher could see the argument that Lilliana was forming with the information she had been presented. Whether he could possibly agree that Lilliana's mother was an airhead, however, was not something he was willing to comment on in that moment.

Christopher, however, was much more focused on the earlier point in her explanation for why she'd continued the deceit for so long. So, when she had finished her explanation, Christopher returned to that point.

"I can neither agree or disagree with what your mother taught you. I would likely be wrong to assume my sisters have not, to a degree, been brought up with the same lessons being told to them. Though... I doubt Serafina ever listened to such nonsense..." He said, trailing off on that thought for a moment, before returning to the point he was interested in. His eyes focused on Lilliana, because he wanted to know her thoughts. To see how she would react to such a question being posed as the one he was about to pose to her now.

"Your mother, as you said, believes that no male worthy of respect would want a smart wife." He said, though he paused, it was quite clear he had not finished what he was saying. "Therefore, we have a conundrum. You're smart, how smart, I could not say so early on, but I think it wise of me not to underestimate your intelligence a second time. I am a Pureblood male. Therefore, the question would be, how much respect do you pay me in allowing you to be my wife, knowing you could outsmart me at any given moment. How much value do you hold in your mother's teachings?"

The question was more of a curiosity than a loaded question. They'd already covered the point that, outside of their own private moments, no one need know that Lilliana could hold her own in many conversations. But, this was the vanity that resided in Christopher, a downfall as it were, he needed to know that he would command respect from his fiance, his future wife, because a wife without respect for their husband -- privately or no -- was a danger to him, and the Richardson name.

Lilliana's point, on being drunk, however, made Christopher concede that she could never have told him this much before. It would have changed his opinion of her in a negative light -- unfairly -- and therefore, going with society's 'right' answer had been the best option for her. "You're quite right, I wouldn't have seen you the same." Christopher agreed, before smiling as she admitted she'd been drunk but didn't enjoy it. "We'll agree to disagree on that point, then. Temporary loss of control of your mind is not a bad thing. Albeit necessary to conceal such behaviour from the world's eyes, it's... a good release." Christopher told her.

His friends believed to have seen him 'wasted' in the past, but they couldn't spot the careful manipulation of the night. He'd done the silly things other people had, but he'd never gone so far as to ruin his name. He'd been tipsy, but not out of control with his friends, and simply played up to their drunkenness. Drunk, out of control of his mind Christopher, was someone kept behind closed doors.

The last part of the current conversation, though, was one that Christopher's defences rose up to. He did not like the sound of that, and the more relaxed body language that had been portrayed from him thus far began to change to a defensive one. Readying himself for the next blow -- for she'd already dealt one in the admittance of her deceit. For a moment, Christopher thought about telling her that whatever it may be, if it were to do with the deceit, that she needn't worry. That it was okay, forgotten.

But, the curious side of his mind had been teased, and he would not be able to let that go in this moment, so he simply said. "What won't I like?"

» First Impressions Are(n't) Everything [Christopher]
» Why We've Gathered Here Today (Christopher)
» The Follow Up (Christopher & Stephen)
» The Aftermath [Verena & Christopher]
» Flying Fun (Prim & Christopher)