Sorry Seems to Be... The Hardest Word (Nerisei)

Life was a very difficult trip, Nerisei learned. It didn't matter how hard you tried to balance everything, sometimes. Somehow, life always found a way to cause you pain, or catch you off guard. For Nerisei, it was both.


Her Fifth Year had ended on a very sad note. Things with Dimitri had gone south, and even though she had Anne to check up on her all the time, Nerisei just didn't feel okay. It was true, that after they had cut all contact, Nerisei tried to get over him by spending some time with the kind man she had met at the party, Jacques Clement. After all, Mimosa had urged them to spend sometime together and Neri could simply not refuse the young Slytherin. Jacques was so different to Dimitri. He was sweet to her, always looked after her and never kept his 'feelings' a mystery. One way or another, Nerisei would always be able to detect what exactly he wanted from her, and that was a refreshing turn of events. With Dimitri, it was a constant attempt of decryption, something that simply drove the Ravenclaw witch nuts, eventually.

But even that happiness came to an end sooner or late.

Nerisei wasn't hoping for something permanent with him. She knew, after everything she had been through with Mitri, that you never had a possible future with Purebloods, especially royal ones. Therefore, when Jacques started going silent on her, it didn't affect her as much as someone would expect. This time, she was prepared for the loss. The only problem was that she was once again, left alone, attempting to fill the void Dimitri had left. A void that no one else could really fill. The Ravenclaw wizard had managed to set roots deep inside her heart, and even though she had been deeply hurt by his antics, she still missed his presence terribly.

Dimitri was Dimitri. And no one could replace him.

The witch, though, was not going to make a move to try and reconcile, especially after the way he had spoken to her. No matter how mad he had been, he should of never had called her a whore. After everything they had been through, he should have known better. But no, Dimitri being the spoiled, Pureblood, idiotic male he was, had to go ahead and make a scene, in the middle of the Library nonetheless. No, Nerisei refused to cave in to her feelings and forgive him. She wouldn't let this go. If he wanted to be part of her life, he would have to try. Hard. Second chances were not easily handed.

Life had taught her that much.

Therefore the whole of Sixth Year, Nerisei hid herself away from people once again, hiding in books and in her music. Obviously, most of the pieces she played were melancholic ones, and the couple of pieces she had managed to compose where sad melodies, written for Dimitri's ears. Oh, how she hoped he would walk in the music room during one of her practices. How she wanted him to just accompany her. Not say a word. Let the music do all of the talking. But that never happened.

Anne had been her sole guardian through the tough times. Her brother had graduated, meaning he was no where to be seen. Though, technically, their relationship had grown colder after the letter she had received from her father. Neri knew that Ivan was trying to protect her, by being away from her, and even though the witch had told him time and time again that this wasn't the solution to the problem, her brother refused to hear her out. And so, the once inseparable siblings were now separated, leaving Nerisei alone, to deal with her heartbreak. But that did have its positives, since Ivan would of probably found a way to beat Dimitri into a pulp, if he knew what the male had done to her.

The year ended in silence, and there they were, already moving towards the train. Anne was by her side, as always, whilst Nerisei was lost, book in one hand suitcase in the other. "Neri, you're going to trip over something."

"No, I won't." Nerisei insisted, as she kept walking down the platform.

"Nerisei!"

That made the witch stop in her tracks. She knew that voice very well. A voice that had not spoken her name in over a year.

Her eyes moved up to find Dimitri already in front of her, pleading for a chance to be heard. Anne was scowling at him, ready to murder him, making Neri wonder whether there was something being left unsaid between the duo. But she couldn't know.

"You don't have to say a word, if you don't want to, but... please, just hear me out?"

"Neri, don't. Let's get on the train. Tom and Helen are wai-"

"I want to hear what he has to say." Nerisei interrupted Anne, giving her a small reassuring smile and a nod. "Go. I will find you."

Anne stared at Nerisei for a couple of minutes, her eyes darting back to Dimitri with anger, before she nodded at her friend and moved onto the train. The threat towards the male remained unsaid, but it was evident to everyone. If he said something to cause her more pain, Anne wouldn't stop herself this time and Dimitri would probably end in a really bad shape.

"You have ten minutes."

That was all the time she had to offer.

Truthfully, Nerisei did not know what to expect when she made the decision to stay and listen to whatever Dimitri wanted to tell her. From the way he was looking at her though, the Ravenclaw witch did not expect him to lash out, or accuse her of more things. But the wizard was a mystery, therefore the young woman decided to keep her poker face on, more so for her safety than his.

"I shouldn't have said what I said."

"Oh, please. Spare m-"

But Dimitri stopped her before she could really finish that sentence.

"I was trying to hurt you, because you'd hurt me with what you'd done. But, you were right, it was my fault. Through all that happened it was all my fault because I couldn't find the right words to say in the right moment.

"I still can't..."

Nerisei bit her tongue. She knew that she had agreed to give him a few minutes to talk but he had barely spoken two words and the familiar feeling of anger and pain was already taking over her. Part of her believed that if Dimitri admitted that he was wrong, she would actually feel better about the whole situation. That didn't mean she would forgive him, but her anger would, for once, be justified. She believed, that if Dimitri accepted his mistakes, she would be able to move on and feel... better. About the past, about herself...

But even as the wizard stood there, regret plastered all over his face, telling her over and over again that it was indeed his fault things had come down to this, Nerisei did not feel any better with herself. She actually felt worse, much, much worse.

"But when you were with Jacques, I realised that that had been what I wanted. You, you were what I wanted, you as my girlfriend. I'd lost you to him, and that stung. I understand now, though, you wanted someone to cherish you in the way I couldn't, you thought... you thought I wasn't interested enough in you...

"That's not true, Nerisei."

And this was, exactly, why she hated herself. Because the moment the Pureblood wizard admitted to liking her, to wanting her as his girlfriend, to being jealous that he had lost her to another man, all because he was too proud... That exact moment, Nerisei felt her heart skip a beat and her eyes water. Because everyone -apparently everyone else except for Dimitri- knew that she had not managed, even a year later, to move forward. She hadn't managed to get over the boy that had stole her mind, before he stole her heart.

And all his words did, was make her want to throw herself into his arms.

Except, she should be doing the complete opposite.

As the final apology left his lips, though, Nerisei suddenly felt worried. Was he going to just blurt all that out and just... leave? Again? How many times was he going to leave her, before he realised he had been the only man she wanted from the very beginning?

"I won't keep you any longer."

"Ty durak." Nerisei mumbled, calling the boy a fool. Her eyes, that had moved away from his face when the tears threatened to fall, moved back up to look at him in the eyes. Oh, how she had missed him. The brown pools she was staring into, his soft lips, the scent of his cologne that filled her nose every time he pulled her close...

"What took you so fucking long...?" Neri asked, voice breaking towards the end. "I waited, Dimitri. I waited for you. Even after what you said. I knew you were mad, of course I did. But you had no right calling me such degrading words! You knew I hadn't... I haven't..."

...haven't had sex with anyone. But the witch trailed off, leaving the words unspoken. She did not need, nor did she want to get into more details about that. But how could things go back to how they used to be, when it was evident that even if they tried, there would be no future for them? "You wouldn't have called me that, if I were a Pureblood. You wouldn't have hesitated to be with me, if my blood status was different, Mitri. So how do you expect me to forgive you? What do you want from me? You made it clear that I can't be with you, so why do you say all these things now? Last time I checked, it's been over a year of silence on your part, and I still am the same old Muggleborn your Pureblood circle so despises.

"So, please. Enlighten me. What has changed now?"

"I tried to come to talk to you, but Anne turned me away."

Nerisei did not try to hide the surprise that touched her features at that sentence. The Ravenclaw witch had believed that Dimitri had given up on her, as much as she had. After everything that had gone down between the two of them, Neri did not believe that he would come back to talk to her. He avoided her in the castle, during lessons, and to be fair, she was fine with that. It made things easier to handle. It made the pain easier to forget. But as he admitted that he had indeed tried to talk to her, and it was Anne, of all people, that had cast him away, the witch felt angry.

Anne had no right to do as such, and even if she did it for Nerisei's own good, for her protection, someone would say, but it was still a decision that Nerisei had to make. Not her friend. And this was why Nerisei made a mental note to have a serious talk with Anne and set some boundaries. She was her friend, not her mother and definitely not her bodyguard.

Dimitri kept on talking though, but nothing new came out of his mouth. Same old, same old, and Nerisei's anger grew with every word that slipped past his lips. Nothing had truly changed, there was nothing he could truly offer her, nothing he could promise her, yet he expected that by expressing his feelings, she would be running right back to him. As if he had never hurt her. As if nothing had happened.

"I don't know, Nerisei, I really don't. I just know that I wanted, no needed to apologise to you, before any more time passed and I was too late."

"And what makes you think that you're not?" Perhaps this wasn't what Dimitri expected to hear, but it was the harsh truth. He had messed up big time, more than once, and Nerisei was not in the mood to be forgiving. He had to earn his chance. Nothing was going to be given freely anymore. Especially seconds chances, that lead to no actual future. "If you want to stay in contact, Moreau, you'll have to earn it. And believe me, it won't be easy."

Taking a deep breath, Nerisei's eyes darted from Dimitri to the Hogwarts Express, ready to leave in a few minutes. "We should board the train. I am not going to help you this time. You want a chance to be in my life? Fight for it. Goodbye, Dimitri." Nerisei mumbled softly, pushing past the wizard but halting a few meters away. "Be careful..." Was the last thing she said, before she boarded the train.