Beaxbaton Academy of Magic, France, 1988 (Vanessa - Mature)

"C'est la première fois que vous avez dit que,"

"Mais pas la dernière." Louis replied softly, because it would not be the last time he told her the truth, no, he would tell her again and again now that he knew she would not laugh at him for such words leaving his mouth. To him, she was the most beautiful girl in the school, something to be proud of in the throng of girls that entered the gated of the palace.

"Louis..."

"Oui?" The boy asked, his hand moving down her thigh, away from the point that would scare her, trying to be calming in his movements without moving away from her. But as she told him she was scared, Louis' hand moved back to her hip. Back to safe waters. "Why would you be scared?" Louis asked, confusion clear in his tone as he moved his head back enough to be able to see her fully. Fear was there in her eyes, because of him and he knew that he couldn't push her in to things she didn't want.

It simply wasn't him.

"Do you want me to stop?" Louis asked softly, knowing that sometimes Vanessa wouldn't say no to him, but if he asked her straight what she wanted then he would know exactly what he had to do. It would be frustrating, but for Vanessa he could wait a life time.

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~ Lord Clement ~ Profile ~ 55 ~

Thank you to the amazing Ruby for the signatures! <3

"Do you want me to stop?"

The question was one even Vanessa had no answer to. Did she want him to stop? Maybe. Did she want him to continue? Yes. But why was there so much uncertainty? Why was it only one sided? Louis had no qualms about the whole thing. Did that make her a bad person or... Or him just more experienced?

Instead of an answer, the witch ducked her head, tucking it perfectly underneath his chin, still curled into him but this time, trying to piece together her thoughts. She hoped he would understand that she didn't want him to go away, even if she wasn't entirely ready to progress further just yet.

"Louis," she began carefully, picking at the individual threads of thought that made up the tapestry of her mind in that moment. The brunette may not have known much but she did know that throughout the night, one thought had been recurring. And it might well be the cause of all her uncertainty.

"If I asked you something... Would you answer honestly?" Reverting back to English at times of inner confusion or turmoil was a habit that had always been present in Vanessa despite her flawless french. The witch had also honed her mother tongue more because it had set her apart from the Clements for those moments when she needed to feel like her own person.

"Please..."

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Beaxbaton Academy of Magic, France, 1988 (Vanessa - Mature) - Page 4 Rsz_ve10

It came as no surprise that Vanessa tucked herself in to him not a moment later, it had become something of a given when she was scared or uncertain. When she came to his room when she couldn't sleep, she ended up tucked up against him, voicing her worries to his chest. Grandmere would have a field day if she knew all the little things Vanessa did when she was around him, but that would mean her finding out, and that was never going to happen.

At the sound of his name from her lips, Louis took the moment to pull his bed covers over them both, concealing Vanessa from the world. Applying a layer of safety around her, in the childish belief a duvet could protect you from the world. He could have just pulled her chemise back in to place, but he didn't want to hurt her in the thought he hadn't liked what he'd seen. But underneath the covers he found her hand, adding the one piece of security he knew neither one of them could live without.

"If I asked you something... Would you answer honestly?"

"What kind of question is that, Ven? I never lie to you." Louis told her softly, not completely sure where this was going. How could she doubt his honesty after all these years? But Louis did not hold any hostility in his tone, merely waiting for her to ask whatever question it was that was bothering her at that moment. Because her happiness would always come above everything else in the world.

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~ Lord Clement ~ Profile ~ 55 ~

Thank you to the amazing Ruby for the signatures! <3

As she felt him pull up the covers around them, the brunette let out a soft, contented sigh. Things were so easy to forget, to lose track of when she was curled up against him, far away from anything and anyone who could hurt her. The blankets were superficial, an empty source of comfort. What gave her real warmth was his solid presence, his reassuring whispers, the way his hand always found hers without her having to ask him for it. Louis had always known when she was worried, when she was scared, when she was unhappy. He had also always known when she was giddy with delight, weak with unvoiced laughter, secretly pleased at something Grandmere had said.

Louis knew everything about her. And after today, he would know everything else too. If he.. if they... Vanessa would give up her very last secrets to the only one in the world who deserved them.

But she had to know something about him before she could take that final step.

"Have you..." she began, only to change her mind. The girl shook her head softly against him, trying to get the woods out in a better way. She didn't want them to come out accusatory, or inquisitive. Well, not overly inquisitive. "How many other...." Once again, words failed her as she closed her eyes, trying to calm her breathing.

Did she want to know? Yes, she did. Even if the answer wouldn't please her. The thought of someone else touching him made her want to curl into Louis even more. More and more until there was nothing of her left.

"How many... Any..." Vanessa had to almost pry the words from her mouth, give them shape and form, only to release them quickly because they weighed too much. They weighed too much on her mind and they weighed too much when they were spoken. "Other girls...?"

The teen felt silent, awaiting his response.

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The incoherence of Vanessa was alarming to Louis as he waited for her to try and explain what was wrong. But no matter what angle she tried to come out with the question, Louis could tell that she was struggling. Pressing his lips against her head, the boy waited patiently for the question to turn in to something he could understand.

Patience only existed in his life for Vanessa.

"How many... Any... Other girls...?"

The question, though not rightly a question at all, brought silence around the duo. He knew now what had been bothering her, and how the boy wished he could take them all away, give her the answer she truly needed right now. But Vanessa had asked for the truth, and despite him wanting to do nothing more than lie, he knew that he couldn't.

"None... that make any difference to us." Louis whispered softly from above her, already beginning to hate those moments of weakness he had fell in to. "I didn't know if you would want... to..." He added a moment later, the apology already written in his words. It was true, he'd never seen Vanessa as ready. He'd been ready for such things and explored, never wanting to put pressure on Vanessa because she was much more important than that.

"I've never gone all the way, Ven. That... is, and always will be, your right to take that from me." Louis added, trying to make amends for some of his mistakes. Whether she would ever believe him, Louis did not know, but even if he couldn't wait to explore some things, his virginity would always be promised to her.

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~ Lord Clement ~ Profile ~ 55 ~

Thank you to the amazing Ruby for the signatures! <3

"None... that make any difference to us."

Even as he said the words, the knot of dread inside her returned. But this time it wasn't content to simply remain confined to her stomach. No, this time it was clawing inside her, clawing up to her throat and lodging itself painfully there, ripping pieces of her quietly apart.

You wanted to know, Vanessa tried to reason with herself as her fingers tightened in his hand, gripping him as though he would vanish in an instance. Had she been more aware, she would have realized her fingernails would leave marks on his skin but at the moment, all Vanessa could focus on was trying not to choke as the thing in her throat tried to suffocate her, drown her, hurt her...

"I didn't know if you would want... to..."

Those bitches in the boudoir had been right. On this one account anyway. It didn't change Louis, the boy Vanessa knew and grew up with. She had suspected as much. He was a boy, it was... The witch couldn't bear to continue that line of thought and closed her eyes once more.

Trying to fight the onslaught of tears that were threatening to cascade down her face at any moment.

"I've never gone all the way, Ven. That... is, and always will be, your right to take that from me."

"H-How many," Vanessa asked, her voice shaky and barely above a whisper. For a moment, she hoped Louis hadn't heard the question. Did she really need to put a number to the amount of misery she felt? Would a number justify how she felt? Would one be any better than a hundred as long as she had touched Louis in the same way.

As long as Louis had touched her in the same way?

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As he spoke, Louis could feel Vanessa's nails digging in to the skin on the back of his hand. He almost wanted to tell her to do it harder, because at least physical pain would be better than the pain in his chest right now. If she drew blood, then at least he would be able to show the mark of the pain he felt. But he knew that the pain of her nails in his skin would be nothing in comparison to the pain in her chest in that moment.

Louis just held her close, unsure with what else he could say. He'd done the wrong thing, perhaps, but he hadn't meant to hurt Vanessa... merely save her from the pressure that would have come if he'd stated what he wanted from her sooner. "I'm sorry, Ven." The boy whispered in to her hair, because he didn't have to see her eyes to know he'd hurt her.

"H-How many,"

The whispered question made Louis sigh against her head. What difference did it make in how many it was? But as she repeated her question, Louis knew he wasn't getting away without supplying her with an answer. "Three or four." Louis whispered, the arm around her back drawing her closer in fear that she would run away. "But they will never be you, Ven... Never..."

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~ Lord Clement ~ Profile ~ 55 ~

Thank you to the amazing Ruby for the signatures! <3

"I'm sorry, Ven."

The brunette tried to shake her head, tried to dispel his apologies. She had asked, she had wanted to know. Though for the life of her she couldn't remember why right now. Vanessa wanted to shake it away, but her head was too heavy, she was wrapped too tightly in Louis' embrace, clinging desperately to him.

Because she knew she would have to let him go soon.

"Three or four."

The first tear rolled down her cheek quietly, escaping from beneath her closed eyelids to slide, just for a moment, down her flesh before being absorbed by Louis' chest. That wouldn't do. She couldn't stain him with her own tears. And yet she couldn't move.

Because if she moved away now... She might never be able to find her way back.

"But they will never be you, Ven... Never..."

Another tear, rebellious and suicidal, coursed down her face, only to meet the same fate as its predecessor. It seemed keeping her eyes closed would no more hold the tears back than a paper barrier would hold back a flood. But she had to try.

Because despite everything, she knew it hurt her cousin when she cried. And Vanessa had never ever set out to hurt the most important person in her life.

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The first hint of tears was the small wet drop that touched his chest. Silent tears that he had not meant to put in her eyes were falling nonetheless and Louis could feel his own eyes pricking with his own tears. He hadn't meant... "Please don't cry, Ven." Louis whispered, his voice was thick with emotion.

"They... I..." Louis whispered trying to explain what he'd done and getting no where with it. What did his reasons matter any more? Louis had done the one thing he'd never meant to do and upset the girl who meant the world to him. The fact he hadn't given his virginity to anyone else was irrelevant to her, because he'd done other things. "I'm still yours, Ven. Always yours."

The admission came with Louis holding her closer, trying to keep his own tears at bay, because in the thick of it all, what did his feelings matter? They didn't. "Tell me how to make it up to you, Ven, I'll do whatever you want. Just... please don't cry." Louis asked softly, hoping she would say something so he knew what was going on right now.

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~ Lord Clement ~ Profile ~ 55 ~

Thank you to the amazing Ruby for the signatures! <3

"Please don't cry, Ven."

His words opened the floodgates, as if something inside her had just been waiting for Louis to say not to cry. The tears rolled freely down her face now, one by one dropping from her skin to his as he clutched her harder to himself. The witch didn't stop him as the silent tears continued. Silent because a lady did not wail and sob and moan. Like everything, tears were to be handled with dignity, as Grandmere always said.

The only sign other than the falling drops form her eyes was the slight trembling of her frame. Even beneath the covers, wrapped securely in Louis' arms, Vanessa was suddenly cold. Too cold and alone.

All alone.

"I'm still yours, Ven. Always yours."

"I kn-know," she managed, getting out the words as gracefully as she could despite the fact that her heart was breaking. Louis was right, those girls served no important purpose in their lives. They didn't change the fact that Vanessa and Louis were still betrothed, they made no difference to the agreement made between the two families.

They didn't even factor into what the two felt for each other.

No, the only purpose those three or four girls served was to hurt Vanessa, to make her bleed.

"Tell me how to make it up to you, Ven, I'll do whatever you want. Just... please don't cry."

"I'm s-sorry," once again, it was effort to form words, a huge effort to pretend that she could still speak coherently when all the brunette really wanted to do was lose consciousness. Or travel back in time to a few minutes ago and talk herself out of asking the question that had been their undoing. Anything would be better than this. Then hurting him because she couldn't stop crying.

Vanessa wasn't sure how long they lay like that, curled into each other, both hurting in ways they had never imagined hurting before. But when the last tear had fallen, leaving her hollow and weak and completely devoid of energy, the witch managed a small whisper.

"Pouvez-vous s'il vous plaît me prendre retourner dans ma chambre?" Perhaps the request was too much. Louis would be in his rights to deny her. But she had to ask. To see how much had changed in the span of a few hours between the two of them. "Je ne pense pas que je peux marcher."

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» Beaxbaton Academy of Magic, France, 1988 (Vanessa - Mature)
» Beauxbaton Academy of Magic, France, 1985 (Louis & Vanessa)
» And You Let Her Go... (Vanessa - 1988)
» And You Let Her Go... (Vanessa - 1988)
» Beauxbaton Academy of Magic, France, 1985 (Louis)