Letting Go (Open)

Guest

It hurts. Everything does. Cammie can’t stand it, it’s dumb to go to the library when there are students studying but where else can she go? She went somewhere secluded with her phone and her earphones in her hand. She hates to admit it but she really is hurting. She can’t stand it anymore. To feel a pang in the chest and what could she do? She cries.

Cammie can’t stand crying it shows that she’s a weak person and she hates showing weakness on the outside. Students are going to think she’s not fit to be in a prestigious school like Hogwarts.

It kills her that she’s the way she is because she got bullied before she got to Hogwarts and she has to pretend that everything is fine. She still has nightmares about her past. The names they called her. Weakling, stupid, nobody, monster, weird, useless. She’s alone. Cammie let that feeling slowly sink in. Cammie can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe it’s a little bit of both.

Cammie could feel herself slipping away. She could feel that she’s drowning and what can she do? She can hide it and just let it be. She has given up. The one time she felt loved was quickly taken away from other people. Being in love is the best thing ever as if you are yourself with the person and the person knows who you are fully and the person accepted you as yourself. Now in this world it’s hard to find. Cammie is grateful she has experienced it first hand and she’s not regretting it one bit. But, Cammie is sad that it didn’t last long as she expected it to be.

Cammie felt a tear slid down her face. She quickly wiped it away hoping no one saw that. She wants to be alone for awhile and the best way to do that is to take her phone out and earphones and listen to music. Cammie isn’t picky on music so, she went to itunes to escape reality. She shuffled on a playlist, low and behold it’s Ghost by Halsey the stripped version of course. This song really meant so much to Cam if people can actually read the lyrics, they would know how much it meant to Cammie.

As she listened to the song, she could feel herself slipping away from reality. She’s finally not putting up a face. It’s actually herself. “It’s time to move on Cam. She’s not coming back she’s now a figment of your imagination” Cammie thought. Yes it’s her ex lover. She knows that she has to be happy for her but how could she? Cammie is on the verge of tears she’s pretty sure that the students can hear her sniffling quietly at the secluded place.

Even though she’s only 15, she definitely suffered she knows what it’s like to be betrayed, to be bullied, to be the social outcast, an introvert, a mess up and to hurt people without her knowing it. She’s hiding and hurting so much and yet people aren’t seeing it. Cammie is good at hiding all she has to do is to put a smile on her face. Especially when it comes to helping others. In a blink of an eye, she would help a person/student. Well if she’s in the mood of course but times like this she would rather be alone.

With the final lyrics of Ghost by Halsey saying
“My ghost, where’d you go? What happened to the soul that you used to be?”

And with that, she closed her eyes and she could feel the pain and it’s okay. It meant that she’s normal and she finally accepts it. It’s finally time to let go. Look forward and move on. She’s in Hogwarts for heaven’s sake. She opened her eyes and she lets go of the million strings that’s holding her back because sometimes letting go is better than holding on. Maybe just maybe she could be the girl she was before all the messed up things that happen to her.

Guest

With his girlfriend having previous plans, Elleon was left by himself. Deciding to make full use of his time, he headed to the library to clock in a two hour study session, telling himself that he could return to his art once he'd completed his studying. With his O.W.L.s looming around the corner, his hobby became his reward. It was tough, restricting his creativity and his talent, but it was necessary if he wanted good grades.

The library was quiet, not that Elleon could tell otherwise since he was Deaf. There were a few people scattered her and there but Elleon had been to the library often enough to know the best places in it. He had his own favourite spots to study and to draw and one section of the library was perfect. It was slightly away from the busiest parts and secluded enough that a not-so-observant person wouldn't notice he was there, but not too secluded that he couldn't see what was going on around - beacuse sight was a really important thing to a Deaf person.

He settled himself down and took out his Potions textbook. After the test at the end of his fourth year, he resolved to memorise all the recipes and ingredient list of every potion they'd covered in class. He'd finished writing up the fifth recipe and ingredient list and was just checking to see if he had gotten it right when a movement caught his eyes.

Looking up, he saw a Hufflepuff girl, in the same year as him, sit down and listen to music. Being a Deaf person, he'd developed the ability to read body language better than most Hearing people could. Much of Sign Language was communicated through facial expressions and he'd learned to detect the emotion behind the face. He was close enough to see that Cammie - if memory served him correctly - was upset, but far enough away that she hadn't yet noticed him.

Unsure of what to do, he watched her for a bit as she plugged in her earphones. As a prefect, he felt that it was his duty to make sure that people were okay, but he didn't quite like speaking with people. Still, if she needed a friend - and she looked like she could use one - he would try his best to be a friend.

Turning to a fresh page in his notebook, he began sketching, drawing inspiration from the previous month's Christmas production his former school had put on. It was the latest thing on his mind. In just under ten minutes, he was done. Tearing the page from his notebook, he folded it into a paper plane, aimed and sent it flying, watching as it landed at Cammie's feet. Beside the picture he'd written: Christmas wasn't such a silent night after all. Need someone to talk to?

He hoped that, at the least, the picture and caption would make her smile. Even if she didn't open the plane and see it, he would've drawn her attention anyway and he could ask his question.

Guest

As Cammie opened her eyes, she felt a slight touch next to her foot. She looked down and she saw a perfect model looking plane. She reached for it as she was curious to what it is.
She opened and saw a beautiful drawing with a nice hand written caption. She looked to see where did the plane came from. She didn’t know if she can talk to anyone right now. But she’s willing to try and socialise.

She looked around to find the source, and her eyes landed on a slender boy. He was looking at her and she figured it was him who sent the coolest airplane and beautiful drawing. She motioned for him to come sit next to her.
Cammie decided to talk about some parts of why she’s looking like a mess and the reason why she’s crying. She took out her earphones and waited for him to arrive. Cammie looked
down at her fingers as a sign of nervousness as she hadn’t seen him anywhere.

A million thoughts was rushing through her mind. “What am i going to say to him?” or “ i would date him if i were straight… too bad i’m not.” etc.

As she looked at him, she noticed his eyes were brown and hypnotizing. She took a deep breath and smiled even though it was just a small smile, it was progress that she is healing. She waved at the boy and said, “hi name’s Cammie but people call me Cam.” she held out her hand to the boy hoping he would take it. She wants to be friendly to other people and this was her first step.

She has a feeling that they would be talking for awhile and that’s a good thing as she needed a friend right now to listen to her and advise her. Someone she could trust and someone to lean on.

Cammie is also determined to know this boy. She felt the need to be there for him when needed be. To also, support him and be his friend. “Why do i feel like he can be trusted?” Cammie thought to herself. She shouldn’t feel this way as she only introduced herself.

She needs someone to tell her if the person is actually genuinely being friends with Cammie or to just hurt Cammie. She felt like she could trust this person that took his time to actually listen to Cammie’s sad life.

She stills feel the pain in her heart. She thought her friends were actually there for her but actually it’s only for their own benefits. She hopes that having a conversation with this boy would make her feel better about herself.

Cammie has been hurt so many times by many people until she didn’t know which are her true friends. She can’t tell the difference between a fake person and a real person. Cammie always just believed that all of them are real when they aren’t.

“I haven’t seen you before are you new here? I’m also sorry that i may have interrupted your study time. It’s not too late to back out now i believe that you have other things planned.” Cammie didn’t want to disturb him. He may have a million things to do so why should she interfere?

Cammie didn’t mind if he’s busy but she’s grateful that someone saw her broken and came to talk to her.

Guest

Elleon waited to see what would happen, to see if his intrusion was welcome or not. It didn't really matter to him if Cammie didn't want his company. He knew that some people preferred to work through their emotions alone, but he wouldn't be doing his part if he hadn't offered. The decision was hers alone.

He kept his eyes on her, not staring, but glancing every now and again just to assure himself that she was alright. She finally opened her eyes and met his gaze giving a tiny lopsided smile when she motioned for him to come. He didn't know yet just what to say, but that would all come in its own time.

Stuffing his textbook into his backpack, he stood up, walked the few steps to Cammie, and sat down again, positioning himself so that he had a clear view of her lips. He'd gotten better at lipreading since he came to Hogwarts but it was still guesswork most of the time.

He gave a warm smile as he took the hand that she offered, giving it a slight shake. He'd known her name - it was his responsibility as prefect. Releasing her hand, he held up his palm in the universal sign for wait then rummaged in his backpack, drawing out his sketchbook and a blue pen. Setting the pen to the paper he wrote:

Nice to meet you, Cam. I'm Elleon.

He flipped it over for her to read. He could've always spoken it out loud and it would've probably moved the conversation along a lot faster but he'd never been comfortable with using his voice. Not only could he not hear himself speak but it had been the source of bullying in his younger years. He was blessed to have gone to a Deaf school, but when he had no choice but to speak aloud in shops or restaurants, there were Hearing jerks who made fun of the way his voice sounded or the way he pronounced his words.

Cam went on speaking and Elleon watched her lips, picking up the words he could and filling in the blanks for the words he missed. The thing with lip reading was that everybody's lips moved differently and he needed time to figure out their quirks.

He grinned at what she said and waved it off with a that's-totally-fine facial expression. Putting the pen to the piece of paper, he wrote underneath his previous sentence:

Nope. Not new But it's always great to make new friends. And don't worry about interrupting me. People are more important than studies.

He'd wait until she was ready to talk about whatever was bothering her. If she chose not to, that was also perfectly fine, but Elleon would support her no matter what she chose to do. Sometimes people just needed someone to keep them company and to listen to what they have to say.

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