The Morning After (TW: Possible Miscarriage - Circe & James)

The night before was a bliss. Well,, most of it at least. Circe and James had talked, they had figured out what was happening between them, and for once, they didn't have just sex. For once in his life, James Balan had allowed a woman to make love to him, and that was exactly what Circe did. She made pure, passionate love to him, trying to make him feel everything that he was not allowing himself to feel all these years.

And it was magnificent.

But then she pushed things a little too far for his liking, and she was faced with the James she knew. The one who moved away from such loving things. But she was okay with that, and she didn't try to push him to accept any of these. Circe had agreed they would take things slow, together. She would help him with everything he needed and he would do the same.

But what would happen about the baby? Circe had not thought of that, and it was quite terrifying to think that she could become a mom so soon. Especially with a man that was struggling to be faithful for more than two days.

But her sleep was peaceful, free of those thoughts. Because Circe was not ready to accept that she was pregnant. She was not ready to accept that she was going to be a mother to a child, and James was going to be its father. It was crazy. But a smile touched her lips nonetheless, making her look so happy in her sleep. As if she was seeing the most beautiful thing.

But her sleep was soon interrupted by the strong voice of the man next to her. And something was telling her it was not going to be good. Opening her eyes slowly, Circe didn't even have time to turn and ask him what was going on. He was furious and she couldn't understand why.


"Circe, you're bleeding."

I what?, the woman thought as she woke up for good, jumping up in an instant and groaning at the sudden change, a hand going down to rest just below her belly button.
Looking down on the bed, she could already see the red patch that had formed because of her, and she remained there, staring at it for a good five minutes, not saying a word.

She didn't know whether to be happy or not. Circe had just gotten her period, which took her out of the difficult state, proving just how much not pregnant she was. But how was she going to explain to James that her period was simply really, really late? He would think she had lied to him and she was sure this wouldn't end well.

"Well, first of all, it seems you won't be a dad anytime soon."
But the woman knew this was not going to be enough to calm down the man that wouldn't even come closer to her now. And the nervous feeling was taking over her more and more.
"I just... I just got my period. I'm not pregnant, James. It just.. came late."

And then she made no move to get away. She didn't know what to do, so she simply remained still, waiting for a response from the man on the other side of the room.
He was going to kill her.

"You said you were pregnant."

Of course he wouldn't believe me, the witch though as she stared at James pleadingly. He had to understand she had meant no harm when she had told him she was possibly pregnant. What had he expected her to do? She was a young woman, who had fallen for him when she shouldn't have, and her period was missing. Which meant there was a possibility for her to be pregnant and the right thing to do was to inform him. She never lied to him, he had to know that!

"Did you even check? Do a test?"

Circe kept her head hanging low, shaking her head negative as he asked her all these. Was this an interrogation? She hadn't done anything wrong!
"No, I didn't take a test. I am sorry. I was too... too nervous and worried and I didn't trust these muggle things at all."

But the worst part was that Circe was not sure this was her period. Because she could have been pregnant. And if she was pregnant, this could be something more than her normal monthly bleeding.
Circe might have had a miscarriage. And that was even more scary than the idea of a baby.

"Are you sure it's your period and not..."

Circe took a deep breath. She had to be honest with him, she wanted to be honest with him. Because if this was a miscarriage... it could have been his baby. His child. And it was now.. dead, before it could even live.
"Honestly... I really want to believe it's just my period but.."
But the sob that escaped her throat didn't allow her to finish. Circe broke down, hiding her face in her hands as she cried, not ready to accept that she had possibly lost her first child.

"I might have just lost our baby.." she mumbled through the tears, but James would be able to make it out. She was lost, tired, and she certainly didn't know what to do. She was a Healer yet she was just too stressed to think clearly. She needed him.

The woman was lost. She was crying her eyes out and she couldn't stop. It was terrible. She felt terrible. And the worst part was that she had never meant to hurt him in any way. Even though there were times that Circe felt so used by James, that she really wanted to get her revenge, but no. She had feelings for him. Feelings that were so strong that she couldn't hurt him. Not willingly. Even if he deserved it.

So when he moved away from her, Circe knew it was over. Those few intimate moments that they shared 24 hours ago were now gone. And she doubted that they would be able to get them back. She doubted she would be able to get him back again. She had lost him because she was foolish. Circe Mayer had accepted that much of her. She had been a foolish little girl, who fell for a stranger and got herself into this mess. But she cared about him, and even if having a child had been scary, she would have loved it. She would have loved their child.

But all her thoughts vanished when she felt James sit next to her, and hesitantly, put his arm around her, pulling her to him. Circe allowed him to pull her close, crying even more inside his chest. She wanted him. She needed him now more than ever, because she was broken, and she had no one. Her brother was still away for business, and Circe had not dared to tell him about the possibility of a pregnancy.

"I lost the baby, James..," she said with a sob, wrapping her arms around him and holding him close to her, trying to hold on to the only thing she had in her life. James was the only person she had. He was everything as of now.

"I am so sorry..."

Heartbroken, Circe didn't even make a move to untangle herself from his embrace. She couldn't think clearly, which didn't allow her much time to consider that this could not be a miscarriage, but just her period being late.

Circe didn't make a move to stop him as he lifted her up in his arms and slowly moved out of the room and towards his bathroom. He was going to help her get all cleaned up but even after a bath, Circe would still feel dirty. Because this was not just blood. It felt as if she was a whore. She was a filth. It was terrible, and her head was spinning. What were they going to do now?

As she was placed into the water, after James had made sure the temperature and everything was okay, Circe closed her eyes, avoiding to look at him. This was the most awkward silence of her life. James was not going to look or talk at her and it was killing her. It was tormenting her. She had lost the man she had fought to have, before she even had the time to win him.

"What now?"

Circe looked at him, the pain obvious in her eyes. The fight was lost, and even if she was pushing herself to still have hope, she knew there was no use. James would never believe her ever again, since she meant practically nothing. The only thing that actually kept them together was the baby that would be born into this world, and now it was lost. There was no baby anymore. Which meant there was no more of them.

"What now? You don't even want to look at me anymore.. What do you expect me to say? That we should still fight? If you don't want to.. there's no point."
Sliding herself farther down, Circe sighed, silent tears rolling down her cheeks once again.

She loved him. Or she felt like she loved him. Her feelings for him were strong and she was tired of fighting that. There was no point anymore.

Shaking her head, Circe wanted to cry again. She wanted to go home, lock herself in her room and cry till there were no more tears left. Pushing herself up, she slowly got out of the bathtub, and fell down on her knees, not able to stand on her own. She was broken. She couldn't fight this alone.

"Let me go.. If you don't want me, let me go."
Biting her lip, Circe balled her hands into fists and tried to keep in the sobs.
"I am done hurting you.. please.. Just.. you were right.. I was never the one."
It was only a whisper, the last signs of remaining strength leaving Circe's body. She was going mad from the shock, and someone needed to bring her back before it was too late.

"Circe. Stop it."

It was a mere warning, and if Circe was in the right state of mind, she would have stopped. She would have stopped before things got of hand and both of them spoke words that they might have regretting just as soon as they voiced them.
But she was shocked from everything that's been going on lately. And now, she was pushed over the edge.

"What the fuck do you think last night was? Really. You asked me to decide what the fuck I wanted, you made me tell you all these stupid feelings that I have, made me feel uptight, and useless as I fell over every damn word. And you have the... audacity to think I'm going to throw you out. You just... we..."

Circe looked at him. Really looked at him. He was having trouble explaining what he wanted to say, but Circe knew him better than anyone else had ever had the chance to know him. She was the one for him, and she knew that since day one. Since the first night he had touched her naked flesh. And then it took him less than 4 moths for him to touch a piece of her heart. And now here they were, with her baring her soul to him, giving him everything she had. And breaking in half.

"What we did last night, you think I do that with any girl? You think I want to be soft and... that with just anyone? Just because... because the baby is gone, doesn't mean..."

But Circe was not blind. Neither was she stupid. And the more James talked, the more he slowly expressed his feelings in his own way, Circe was beginning to go back to her usual state of mind. The right state of mind. The shock was slowly leaving her body and the woman that was helplessly holding on was waking up from the slumber. She was slowly understanding the chaos she had created, and all that because of James. He was her drug, but he was also the only person that could keep her sane.

"I was trying to help."

For someone else, this would be a simple statement. But Circe had caught on the pain and the anger that lingered in his voice. James was not cold. He was emotional, and he was baring his soul to her too, but she was too blind to see it. She was being ungrateful, completely throwing away even the smallest things James had managed to give to her. She had promised to help him but she was, instead, making his life even harder.

"No... No, James. I am sorry!"
Grabbing the towel he had gotten for her, Circe wrapped it around it before she moved closer to the man that had just allowed his walls to break down just for her. Reaching one hand to touch his cheek, Circe made him look at her.
He was the strongest, and most emotional man she had ever met. He was beautiful. And she would make him see that.

"I was wrong. I was being ungrateful. You.. you pushed your old habits away for me. You tried for me. You are here for me. And I promised to help you, us through this. I just.. I just got scared of losing you, James. Because.."
She took a deep breath, calming herself down and preparing her mind for what she was about to say.
"Because, James, you mean everything to me. And I know this sounds crazy to you, but I am not saying this to make you commit to me. I am saying this because I care for you, I.."

But she couldn't bring herself to say it yet. She was afraid this would scare James away from her. That if she ever told him how much she loved him, he would run away.
"You are the only man that makes me feel this way. You are the only one for me. And you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

"That is why I want to fight for us, James. Because I need you. And I recognize every little thing you've done for me. In your own way. I don't want you to push yourself. You've already taken quite a few big steps in your life. After all, I still fell for James Balan, and I never said I wanted a precious little prince. I need my bad boy."

A soft smile touched her lips at that, and Circe moved even closer, hesitantly burying her face into his neck and inhaling his scent. He always calmed her down just by being next to her. She was bound to him.