A Perfect Day for Bananafish (Nikolai)

Mariah understood what Nikolai had stopped himself from saying, but she wasn't offended. He was right. She knew relatively little about the school, despite having lived there for several months at this point. In fact, she knew relatively little about almost every aspect of the wizarding world, a fact which constantly prodded at the back of her mind so she could never escape the subtle but persistent feeling of Impostor Syndrome that arose especially in moments like these when she was reminded just how behind she was in comparison to everybody else.

She tried to ignore it, instead returning the boy's smile with an eager one of her own. "I'd like that," she responded to his offer.

Mariah checked her mental calendar. She didn't normally do much on Sunday evenings besides homework, and she could get that done earlier if she needed to. She nodded in confirmation. "Sunday evening works for me."

She mentally berated herself for admitting to her ignorance as she caught Nikolai's brief moment of confusion and hasty recovery. The Impostor Syndrome returned full force, reminding her that she didn't belong here; she was a fraud. Real witches understood things like Quidditch. Sure, she could do magic, but she would never really fit into wizarding society. She might as well be a muggle.

She averted her gaze momentarily, cheeks tinged pink, as the boy kept offering his assistance. He was being too nice. She wasn't really sure how to take it. Was he simply offering out of pity? If so, she didn't want to be a burden. "I...thank you," she managed. "But it's okay. I have too many books checked out already. I might look some other time once I'm done with the ones I have."

At his next offer, she looked up. She really did want to learn how to fly. Even before she had learned about magic, it had always been her dream to fly. Now she had the chance. And it's in exchange for something, so it's not just him feeling bad for me. "That...would be amazing, actually. I'd really like that," she said, slowly breaking into a grin at the thought of it. She could imagine the feeling of weightlessness, the wind rushing past, the view from the air...but maybe now she wouldn't have to just imagine.

Although Nikolai's words and tone both suggested that he was not judging her for her meditation methods, she could help the gnawing worry that she had said something wrong, that even though she had explained it to the best of her ability, calling it "meditation" had somehow been inaccurate and she'd made a fool of herself.

"I don't really know what else to call it," she admitted, hoping to convey that she hadn't meant to assert her way as the "right" way, she had just been trying to describe it and couldn't find a better word.

Mariah nodded in confirmation as Nikolai questioned her statement about beards. She was fourteen. She wouldn't want her boyfriend to look like a grown man. That would be awkward.

Her reassurance seemed to help though, and Mariah felt herself cheer up as she watched Nikolai relax. She was glad she'd been able to make him feel better, however trivial the matter may have seemed.

Mariah smiled gratefully as Nikolai reacted with patience and understanding. She had already been to the last two games, and intended to go to the next one, but she figured it wasn't important enough to explain that to him. She simply nodded and said, "I'll let you know if I have any questions." She hoped he wasn't offended that she had turned down his offer. She really just didn't want to bother him with her ignorance.

Mariah's eyes lit up with excitement at the prospect of flying over the lake. Even if the broom wasn't very fast, it was still flying, and she had nothing really to compare it to so who was she to complain? She couldn't wait to get to see all of Hogwarts from the air. It was impressive enough from the ground, but she had always loved the way everything seemed so much smaller and more manageable from high above. "That sounds perfect," she grinned.

Mariah relaxed a little as Nikolai reassured her there was nothing wrong with her version of meditation. He seemed sincere as far as she could tell, and he'd been nothing but nice to her so far. While it was hard to shake the suspicion that everyone was secretly judging her, she wanted to believe that most people were genuine, and she figured she could probably trust Nikolai.

When the boy invited her to sit with him, Mariah was a little surprised, but she was happy that he seemed to like her well enough to want to keep talking to her. Could it be possible that she had just made a new friend? The thought was too good to pass up, so she set aside her insecurities for just long enough to accept his offer and sat down on the pier beside him, eager to learn more about Giant Squids and Quidditch and whatever else made Nikolai tick.