The Talk [Dimitri]

Her head was pounding. That was all Nerisei knew the moment her eyes fluttered open. She was in her bed - even though she had no idea how-, yet all her memories from the night before were fuzzy and confused. She had obviously drunk too much and passed out, but how did she end up in her bed? Last time she checked, she was… by the Lake.

“Hey, you’re up!” Nerisei had to gather all the power she had in her to push herself into a sitting position and open her eyes enough to see one of the girls she was sharing a dorm with.

“Anne?”

“How the hell did you manage to pass out in the arms of Dimitri Moreau? He looked really worried when he brought you u-”

“He what?”

Nerisei’s eyes were ready to pop out of her eyes. What the actual f-ck happened yesterday? And then all her memories hit her like a bucket full of cold water. She had indeed, gone by the Lake to drink her sorrows, because her mind couldn’t handle it anymore. But what happened next was the problem. Nerisei had managed to drag herself up to the Boys’ Dorms, and specifically to Dimitri’s.... And she told him every single thing she felt about him. Oh. My. God.

“Neri, are you okay?”

Her face must have looked paler than ever, because Anne was in front of her in seconds, handing her a glass of water. Her eyes were looking at her with concern, but Nerisei was still in shock. “You must drink this,” the other girl said, handing her the glass of water and a pill. “It will help, Neri, you know that.” As if nothing had happened, Neri grabbed the pill and put it in her mouth, before drinking some of the water down. “Thanks, Anne.”

Then, in a matter of seconds, Nerisei was out of bed and running in the shower, leaving a stunned Anne behind.

Her shower was probably the fastest she had ever taken, and that was what the witch was aiming for. She had to hurry.

Running back into the room, Neri noted that Anne was still there, waiting for her. “Anne, I will be fine, you can go.”

“You still haven’t answered why Dimitri had you in his arms. Neri, he’s a Moreau. Pureblood. You know?”

“Anne, please.”

“Look, we are not close, but we’ve been sharing a dorm for five years. I care for you. What you’re doing is madness.”

Neri shook her head and threw on a pair of jeans and an oversized sweater, drying her hair with her wand. “Believe me, I know.” Throwing on her boots, Neri pocketed her wand and practically ran out of the room. Anne yelled something after her but Neri didn’t pay any mind. She had to find Dimitri and fast.

Outfit

As the witch ran out of her dorm, all she was thinking about was finding Dimitri, and fixing up this whole mess that she had created. How had she been so foolish? She had been drinking a lot yes, but never, not once, had she dragged herself to him. Why did she had to go and tell him how she felt? She knew this was a disaster, since Dimitri just saw her as a friend. Hell, she didn’t even know if he considered her a friend.. But she certainly was nothing more in his head.

But as the girl came into the Common Room, her feet froze. Dimitri was already there, as if he knew she would be coming to find him. And that was when Nerisei just forgot why she had actually been searching for him. What was she going to say? ‘Forget everything I said and let’s go back to normal’ ? No. This was not going to work. But, how do you explain to your crush that you like them to the point you can’t handle it?

“Hi.” She greeted back, fumbling with her hands. Nerisei didn’t know what to do.

“Can… we go for a walk, and talk?”


“Yeah, I think we should.” The witch nodded, making her way to the entrance of the Common Room. She knew Dimitri would follow. And talk they would, but Nerisei wanted to make sure they had some privacy. Nerisei led them upstairs, where she knew the Room of Requirement was located, and hoped the door would appear. They needed this space. This talk was a serious one.

And thankfully, the door indeed appeared. Neri, ever so hesitantly, grabbed his hand, and after making sure no one had seen them pulled him inside the secret room. It was beautiful inside. It looked just like their Common Room, and Neri wasted little to no time and sat in front of the Fireplace.

Once she had made sure Dimitri was also comfortable, she looked up at him, ashamed.

“About.. About last night. I am sorry. I never meant for you to see me like that. I don’t… I don’t even know how I came to you..”

The witch sighed. She had messed up. Big time. “I know what I said though. And I never meant to cause you any discomfort. I am so sorry about everything, Dimitri.” Her eyes were pleading him to forgive her. She couldn’t bare to lose him too.

As soon as they both settled down and Nerisei started talking, she didn’t expect Dimitri to apologise for everything that had happened. But the wizard didn’t say more. Instead, he fell silent, waiting for her to say anything she wanted to say, before he had made his opinion known. But, before he had started speaking, Nerisei was scared about whether he would actually forgive her about everything, or whether he would end their friendship here. But after he started talking, Nerisei truly wished they had never agreed to talk.

“You… don’t have to apologise. I understand the mechanics of alcohol, it gives us the courage to say things we might not say otherwise. Everything you said last night was truthful, heartfelt, and I want you to know I understand everything you said to me last night. I haven’t forgotten a word of it.”

But even if he did remember, which, of course he would, since he was not the drunk one, that didn’t help her much, did it? Sure, Dimitri remembered every single word, and he had just told her that he understood that, but was that of any help? No. Nerisei didn’t need him to tell her that he remembered. She needed to give her a sign. Anything that would help her pull her life together.

Though as he kept talking, Nerisei could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand. A feeling took over her, and she knew, a part of her at least, that whatever was to follow would simply not be what she wanted to hear. Because this was life. Not her dreams. And in life, you rarely ever get what you want. The thing is, was Nerisei strong enough to pull through this? How much rejection could one girl possibly handle?

“I want you to listen to what I say, and not react badly to it, Nerisei, because I don’t mean it to be a bad thing, okay?”

“Dimitri…”

She knew. She knew oh so very well that she had messed up the only friendship she had managed to build after the loss of her best friends. Why did she have to talk? Why couldn’t she have passed out by the Lake? It would all be easier now. Dimitri wouldn’t know anything and their lives would continue on. His, the same beautiful life, and hers, the same emptiness that had been following her for the past year.

“Before last night, I hadn’t considered you… in that light. I don’t mean that you’re unattractive, or anything less than hugely desirable. You’re such a beautiful young lady, you’re talented, so, so clever, and a very good friend. I had the greatest time with you over Christmas, and I’m sorry if any actions of mine conveyed a message I hadn’t intended to give…”

Nerisei’s eyes were already tearing up. She wasn’t stupid. The witch had read enough books and had seen way too many movies to know that all that was the start of a talk that ended to rejection. Dimitri was standing over there, complimenting her, making sure to point out all of the things that she was good at but also, how much fun he had had with her as company. He was trying to smoothen the blow, but Neri was no child. Nothing could be ‘smoothened’. Rejection was rejection, and after a year of hoping and dreaming… all this was finally coming to an end in the most brutal way. All because Dimitri was honest. And Nerisei couldn’t handle it.

“But, even if I did harbour feelings for you, Nerisei…”

Neri frowned. If? So, there was a possibility he did? Or was he actually telling her there was no way in hell that he would ever fall for a girl like her? She was nothing special after all. She wasn’t tall, she didn’t have the perfect body and mostly… she wasn’t a Pureblood.
But he was hesitating, and the Ravenclaw witch couldn’t understand if it was because he didn’t want to hurt her or because… because he was lying to himself.

“My parents… they wouldn’t… we couldn’t… You’re my friend, and I would never, ever, wish to hurt you. I hope you know that? Friends don’t hurt one another, after all, not intentionally, anyway. I see us as friends, but… I don’t think we could ever be more.

“And, believe me, I know that this is going to hurt you to hear, it’s hurting me to tell you this… But, I don’t want to give you any false hope, lead you on, and let you believe…”

And there it was. The rejection. By now, Nerisei’s tears had turned into soft sobs. Sobs she was trying to hide in the sleeves of her sweater. The Ravenclaw witch pulled her knees to her chest, hiding her face away from him. She knew it. She knew it all along that she didn’t have a single chance, that there was no way Dimitri would ever fall for a girl like her. But she had hope. He was the only piece of hope she had left. And now it was gone. It was over.

And as easily as he had come and crumbled down her walls. As simply as he had made her feel happy and beautiful again… everything turned black. The walls were once again in place, her heart empty of any feeling. There was no hope. Not a single ray of light anymore. And Nerisei knew there was no coming back from this. For it was not just a simple teenage crush. Her feelings for him had rooted way deeper.

From the way they played together, that day in the Music Room, to the way their bodies swayed as they danced. There was a connection, she had felt it and it wasn;t just her imagination. She knew there was something there even if she couldn’t place her finger on it. But he was denying everything and that was what made her mad. He was lying, and he was lying because he didn’t want to have to deal with this. Because he would never go against his parents. Because he didn’t love her the way she did.

“I’m also really sorry, Nerisei, about Max and Primrose, I didn’t realise you were close. If… you ever want to talk about it, please know I am here for you. Any time.”

“Oh, please!” That was the only time Neri looked up at him throughout his whole speech. “I don’t need pity, Dimitri. You can keep it.”
Instead, the witch turned to stare into the flames, inhaling and exhaling, trying oh so very hard to calm down her broken heart that was literally in pieces. What else could she say but the truth?

“As you’ve said, you don’t see me as anything more than friends. But there was something there, from the first time we touched hands, that day in the Music Room. When we played next to each other. You didn’t know me, yet, there was some magic flowing between us.”
Neri took another deep breath before continuing. “And then, when we danced. Please, answer this to me. Didn’t you feel it? That.. weird.. Thing. A pull, some sort of..I don’t know. It wasn’t physical. It was something else.”

Nerisei, then, finally turned around to look at him. “Do you know what hurts the most? Not that you rejected me, no. That was actually expected.” A small bitter laugh escaped the witch’s lips. “What hurts is that, if my blood was of different purity, everything would be different.”

Pushing herself up, Nerisei made her way to Dimitri, leaning over the armchair so they could be face to face. “What hurts, is that you stand there, lying to me, lying to yourself, all because you are scared of what your parents will think. Of what the world will think. All because I am a Muggleborn. That’s the real problem, right? Cause you and I, both, know that you felt exactly what I felt, Mitri… I don’t know what it was, certainly not love, but… there was something.

“No, what hurts the most is that it wasn’t you who led me on. It was your heart, and the way your eyes were looking at me. The eyes never lie, Dimitri.”

But the Ravenclaw witch moved away, not wanting to invade his personal space any longer. She was obviously unwanted anyway. Going back to where she was sitting on the carpet, Neri kept her back on the wizard. Some time passed, five, ten minutes? But Nerisei had one more thing to say to Dimitri.

“Do not worry. This will be the last time you will have to deal with my unwanted feelings.”

And just like that, the Ravenclaw witch slowly pushed herself up, ready to leave. There was nothing else to say.

Nerisei didn’t feel like staying any longer. She wanted to deal with her grief. Dimitri didn’t feel the same way, which was perfectly acceptable. But the Ravenclaw witch had lost so much the past year, that she found it unbelievably hard to handle this too. What she wasn’t considering though was that the attitude she had, could actually cost her her friendship with Dimitri. It wasn’t the rejection, or her feelings that were pushing him away. It was her inability to respect that he wasn’t ready about any of this.

Dimitri was before her though, stopping her from leaving the room. The words were flowing out of him, and for the first time after everything that happened, Nerisei felt bad. Bad because, Dimitri was still considering her his friend. He still cared, even after she had pushed him to a breaking point. Because Neri hadn’t thought that, even for a second, Dimitri was being pressured into something he was not ready for. It was all about her, and her needs, and her pain and…

She was a terrible friend. Looking into his eyes, Nerisei saw a tired Dimitri. A Dimitri who was trying to make her understand that he never meant to hurt her, or give her false hope. On the contrary, he was still standing there, asking her to understand the predicament he was in. That, he still saw her as a friend, and that he wouldn’t want to lose that.

The wizard before her was asking for time. For an understanding. Because he didn't know what he felt. Because for him, it was too soon, something that Nerisei hadn’t taken into consideration. Just because she had been crushing on him for so long, didn’t mean he was too. Dimitri had come into her life recently, and Nerisei hadn’t give him the time and space. She just went and accused him of everything just because she wanted to blame someone for all the sorrow she was feeling.

But it was all her fault. She was the one to blame.

“But I’m not going to be pushed in to a corner, Nerisei, pushing me in to a corner makes this no better than my parents pushing me…”

Nerisei’s eyes widened at that. All this time she was bragging about being different, yet, she was doing exactly what all these Purebloods did. Put pressure on someone, force them into something, as if they had no choice in the matters of their lives. Nerisei was terrible.

As Dimitri stopped talking, Neri let out another sob and practically threw herself into his arms, hugging him close. She knew she shouldn't be doing this, but this was nothing but a hug of understanding. A hug of apology. A hug from a friend. Pulling back from him, to give him the space he so much needed, Nerisei nodded and wiped away her tears. She had been so foolish, and instead of protecting the person she loved, she had hurt him.

“I am truly so sorry, Dimitri. I was a terrible friend to you. I didn’t think for a second how you might have felt through all of this. And I apologise for that.” Taking a deep breath, the Ravenclaw witch gave him a big smile of encouragement, showing him that she understood. That she didn’t want to create any more pressure, or hurt him in any way.

“You have all the time in the world, Dimitri. I would love to be your friend, even if that’s the only thing I will ever be.”

As long as Dimitri was part of her life, Neri would find a way to cope.