.The Wonder Years - Blue - June, 2009 (Alexagramma)

JUNE, 2009

Sometimes it felt like the year had gone by in the blink of an eye.

And other times it felt like a decade had slowly, painfully, forcefully, condensed itself in a single year. It seemed like such a long time age that Annagramma had been on top of the world, in Alex's arms and brimming with the realization that he was her muse.

It was the last time she had seen Alex really smile.

"Annie," Simon tapped the table impatiently, trying to get her attention. At the beginning of their courtship last summer, Simon had quickly learned that Annagramma treated the world as if optional, choosing to come in and out of it at random moments. In the first few weeks, he had been polite enough. Now he had no qualms about jostling her out of her train of thoughts. Mostly because her train of thoughts were silly.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about Alex," the blonde replied, leaning forward slightly in her chair opposite the older Quinn. Anyone else would have noticed that the restaurant they were currently at was fancier than usual. That Simon, usually seen in jeans and some kind of polo, was dressed in a proper dinner jacket today. That they were being served by actual penguin waiters instead of just a normal person with an apron around their waist.

The kind of establishment Annagramma usually avoided if she could help it.

But the seventeen year old didn't notice any of that. Not were her suspicions aroused when Simon told her to "wear something nice" when he arranged to pick her up the day before. Anna was sure the assignment would be easy, everything she had was nice. From her shredded jeans to her multi cultured, sequined bralette. It would be the narrowing down off what to wear that would be a problem. Finally the girl had settled on neon green tights, a pink mini skirt and an orangery sunshiny sweater.

Pixie however had looked horrified when Anna emerged from the bathroom. After fifteen minutes of persuading, Anna had finally changed into something that her roommate considered "nice" but which Anna felt silly and self conscious in.

"Alex?" Simon's face crumpled as if he had smelled a bad smell. "Why are you thinking about that dweeb?"

Even someone as unwire of social cues as the blonde knew that the right answer wasn't that she was a nearly always thinking about Alex Quinn. Well, him and cooers, and textures, and cute fluffy animals. An image of Alex as orange striped tiger but with a blond mane conjured itself up in her head and the girl laughed, not bothering to clarify why. Simon seemed appeased that she had laughed at the expense of his brother and moved on.

Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his, making an effort to look into her clear green eyes. "You look really nice today," he complimented, making Annagramma frown.

"Do I? You should have seen what I picked out first. But Pixie said I should wear this instead."

Simon let out a laugh. "Well, you can thank Pixie from me later tonight."

Just then, the penguin arrived with their drinks, placing the fancy flutes in front of them. The fizzing liquid reminded Anna of something she wasn't technically allowed to drink. A mischievous glint appeared in her eyes as she picked up her glass and downed it in one.

"Annie, honestly!" Simon let out a frustrated sound before looking apologetically at the penguin. "Could we have a refill for her please?"

The penguin agreed politely and left, making Annagramma feel as if she had done something wrong. The blonde looked away slightly, the edges of her eyes blurring, ready to leave the world again.

"Annie, wait," Simon called out, establishing contact again. This time, his hand on hers felt slightly more insistent. "I've been... well, i wanted to ask you, now that we've been dating for a year now."

"Eleven months," the girl corrected automatically.

For a moment, a small angry line etched itself across the older Quinn's face, Anna really had to remember he didn't like being contradicted in public. The first time she had done, he had shouted at her in front of everyone at the park they were walking in. The second time, he had simply stopped his car and told her to get out, leaving her on the lonely highway to find her own way back to the school.

This was the third time, and the most mild reaction so far. But one that made Anna uneasy nonetheless. She really needed to be more careful.

"For a year now," he continued as if there had been no interruption. perhaps he hadn't noticed? Perhaps this was her small magic for the day? "And well... I'm crazy about you. You're hot, you're cute, you look fantastic in photos. And despite what my family thinks... I love you Annie."

Annagramma was genuinely surprised by this. It was the first time Simon had actually said he loved her, and it sent her head reeling. The girl knew what love was, or at least she thought she did. But if Simon loved her, and this must also be love..?

"What I'm getting at," the dark haired male continued. "Is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I'll make you happier than anyone else in the world and- And well, just say yes already yeah?"

With that, the young man pulled a ring out of his jacket pocket, showing it to Anna. It was a gold ring encrusted with a shiny, colorless gem that sparkled brightly in the setting sunlight.

Anna stared at the glittering gem, wondering what on earth Simon was getting at. Normally when a boy gave a girl a ring, it meant he wanted to marry her. But Simon hadn't said that. He had only said he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Did that mean marriage? And why was the stone on the ring colorless? How was she supposed to know how to feel when things were devoid of color?

"Umm... where would we live?" she asked tentatively, not reaching for the ring. Simon's features twisted in slight confusing. "After we're married? At my house of course. We live in the family home."

The radiant smile he was expecting finally appeared on the blonde's face, beaming from ear to ear. Finally, she looked as happy as he had imagined her to be the whole evening.

"We'll live on the Quinn estate? And we'll be married? I would love that." Anna asked unbelievably, a bubble of happiness expanding inside her. To be part of Alex's family, and to live in his house, it was all she had ever wanted.

And now Simon was giving it to her.

Maybe she loved him too? Maybe this was what love was.

"Should I take that as a yes?" Simon asked, his grin restored. Without waiting for a confirmation, he slid the ring on her finger.

And for the next few hours, nothing in the world would have brought Annagramma down.

Almost nothing.

The last year had been difficult -- or perhaps that was an understatement, if you asked Alex, he probably would have agreed as much.

As the harvest festival had gone in to full swing, Alex had found himself following his brother and Annagramma from stall to stall. Neither Anna or Simon had paid him any mind, truthfully, as Simon did what Simon was known to be good at. Getting girls, being confident, and pulling away every good thing that the youngest of the Quinn brothers had was something that came easier to the middle Quinn child. And something he revelled in as he pulled Annagramma from his grasp, and instead showed her around everywhere.

Alex had slunk off before anything concrete had come in to being. Neither Simon or Annagramma had noticed, or else cared, when he had, and the boy had found himself back at Ilvermorny on his own hours before he should have been.

The news had flooded the school late that night, and early the next morning. Annagramma Hawkeye had, somehow, managed to ensnare Simon Quinn. Something most of the girls in their year could neither understand, nor wanted to believe.

Alex had been asked how he felt about this -- his best friend and brother getting together -- but he'd never answered.

Instead, the boy had done what only he could think of in that moment, and he'd taken to his books, away from the world, and most purposefully -- avoided Anna.

***

It could have been said to have been easy, staying away from Anna. But in truth, it was the hardest thing in the world to keep himself away from the witch. As his only real friend, the isolation from the world didn't do Alex much good. Of course, there were his roommates, whom he tolerated just enough to not become a complete recluse. They encouraged him to get with girls -- which Alex refused to do -- and to drink with them -- which Alex found himself drawn to more. They were, for all intents and purposes brothers in their dorm room, but that was where it ended. The others much preferred Quidditch, and Alex was quite happy to stay behind at the school when everyone else wandered around them.

What had been harder, though, was keeping away from Anna in classes. Their usual seats together were almost impossible to avoid now. He had, on a few occasions managed to find a seat elsewhere, but more often than not, he had to sit with her. Somewhat quiet, only speaking if she spoke to him, and keeping each reply short.

It wasn't her fault, he'd reasoned with himself again and again.

She was just being lured with false pretenses.

But that ideology seemed to fade away as one week turned in to two. Two weeks turned in to four, and the first month had turned in to a second. How did he tell her that Simon was only interested in her to hurt him, without hurting her in the process? He'd known, for a very long time, that Annagramma was quite simple, that she didn't understand the more complex hurdles of life, and he had promised to protect her from as much as he could. But... she was happy... she had to be happy, right? If she stayed with Simon for this long a period?

That was why Alex had said nothing the whole time.

As they were nearing the end of their final year at Ilvermorny, exams finished, and the school break looming, Alex had doubled down on his avoidance of Annagramma outside of classes. His focus now, he found, was trying to decide what was next. Everyone around him had something lined up. The Quinn family, established and old blood in the context of America, had enough money for him to do nothing at all. George had been working closely with their father on the empire that had been built through Michigan, building the business and acquiring any new investments they could. Simon had some pencil pushing job at the MACUSA that never sounded like it was very interesting to Alex.

And he... well, he didn't know what he wanted to do, but that was the joy of being the youngest, wasn't it? There were very few expectations of the youngest Quinn.

It had been his Arithmancy Professor who had pointed out that he didn't have to go in to anything magical in nature.

A pamphlet about how to get in to finance positions in the No-Maj world had been put before him, and that had been what Alex had been looking through that evening. Of everything he did at school, only the subjects linked to numbers had ever made sense to him. Writing had never been his strong suit. Magic, he was passable in. But numbers... they had always clicked.

It was the pamphlet that had held his attention in the study area, not at all aware of the bombshell that was about to break up his whole world that was bounding towards him.

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~ American (turned French) ~ Profile ~ 38 ~

The few hours Annagramma and Simon spent at the restaurant, and then the bar, finally came to an end. The whole night, Anna had been buzzing with excitement, unable to wait patiently until she could return to the school with her good news. Her excitement was read positively by Simon who commented how she was reacting just like a normal person would at being engaged and so elated was the blonde that evening that she even forgot to mind that her new finance had compared her to a normal.

Or maybe all normal girls, upon finding out they were going to live with their best friend forever, reacted like this? She would have to ask someone, if she was ever rude enough to assume someone normal.

Slow as it was, finally the moment came. Simon dropped her off in the reasonably crowded courtyard, making sure to kiss her deeply in front of anyone watching before he wished her a good night. The colorless gem on her ring finger seemed to attract more attention than it deserved for a bland rock, but Anna didn't care. Avoiding the chorus of puzzled congratulations, she headed to the library. Alex was usually there.

Except when he wasn't.

Then she tried the roof, but he mostly went there with her. She didn't know whether he actually liked the roof. Not to be daunted, the girl tried his dormitory which proved to be empty save for one of his roommates and s girl Annagramma thought might be in one of the younger years. Maybe he was tutoring her, she reasoned as she walked out in disappointment. She did look flustered. Maybe that was why her bra was off?

Unsure where to find Alex next, the blonde simply began wondering, until she came across the study area and let out a happy squeal.

"Alex!" she burst into the room in her usual manner, uncaring if there was anyone else present. "Alex guess what? Guess, and its not grey, or brown or murky brown or gross brown. It's good!"

Before the boy could reply, she held up her hand in front of him, knocking the bit of paper he was reading away, showing off the silly rock that nonetheless marked the happiest occasion of her life thus far.

Alex's mind had not been in the room, intent on understanding the different thing he could do with his life. The sound of his name being shouted through such a quiet room made the boy jump quite visibly the paper in his hand being pushed away and down to the floor. He didn't have to comprehend the words being spoken to know who it was, that voice would follow him everywhere he went.

But the voice, excited as it was, made Alex try to gather his thoughts.

The hopefulness made itself known much too prematurely.

Prematurely, but quickly squashed as his eyes fell on the diamond that was tied around Annagramma's ring finger. Light hit off of the diamond, a diamond that most certainly would not have been the witch's choice of gem for such a thing. To any other person in the world, this ring would have been a source of pure joy, because it showed that there was money behind it.

Alex's eyes didn't move from the ring, his mouth seemed to have gone dry.

A tightness in his chest made itself known.

Finally, the boy looked up to Annagramma. His eyes did not match the happiness in hers.

"G-good?" Alex asked, trying and failing to sound happy for the girl who'd been his best friend for the last seven years. "Where... where did you find that ring? We should... we should probably return it to the person who's lost it..." He tried, because Merlin he wanted anything to be true except for what his mind was screaming to be the truth. Annagramma could not have said yes to Simon asking such a question, could she?

"I'm sure they won't be mad." He added, though he didn't move.

He knew what was coming, and the boy didn't want to acknowledge it.

Annagramma might see this as good, but he knew it was anything but that.

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~ American (turned French) ~ Profile ~ 38 ~

"Where... where did you find that ring? We should... we should probably return it to the person who's lost it..."

Confusion touched the young witch's features for a split second before she returned to her brilliant grin. "I didn't find it, it's ours silly," she clarified, dropping down into the seat beside him, her body angled towards him as always. It felt good to be near him again, and now she would get to be near him all the time.

"Simon gave it to me, he said we were going to be married and we would live in the Quinn house. Isn't that amazing?" It was the last part that was delivered with sparkling eyes and a joyous lilt in her voice.

"You know, I used to dream about it all the time but I never thought it could be real. Alex, all the colors will be bright, and sparkly, and glowy and orangey!" Because the dies of living with Alex, being enveloped in his sunshiny warmth, was all she had ever wanted.

"Simon says we have to have at least a year long engagement because.... i don't know, I stopped listening because he was being brown. And then we went and got more fizzy drinks and they made me feel really bubbly and then we came back here and I tried to find you and Chester is tutoring a girl in your dorm so maybe you can go help him later, but now I'm engaged! Isn't that wonderful?"

The spiel of words coming out of her mouth, unfiltered and making little sense to anyone else, would probably be comprehensible to Alex. He may not have been very much around this past year but that made no difference.

He was her person, he would always understand her.

Always.

"Ours?" Alex echoed, confusion touching his own features in that moment because he didn't understand how this ring on her finger could be anything to do with him. But, the question didn't do much good, or perhaps it did, because Annagramma was already continuing on with the words she'd spoken, explaining how the ring on her finger had come to be there.

The mention of his brother was not a surprise at all, and despite that, hearing it had sent another shooting pain through his chest as he watched the excitement bursting on Annagramma's features. Alex could not find it in himself to reflect the same excitement, though. He knew his brother far too well to believe this was what he had truly wanted. Simon was playing a game, but to what end... Alex wasn't sure he wanted to find out.

"Anna..." Alex had started, trying to cut in as she continued on about how great everything was going to be.

He wanted to believe that.

Truly.

She continued over the top of him, though. Explaining how Simon had insisted on being engaged for a year, and that she'd stopped listening to her now fiancee because- Well, Alex had to stop himself there, because that thought was much too excited, and much too vindictive to be allowed to enter his head. The comments about alcohol and then trying to find him, the mention of his perverted roommate, and then back to the question of how this was great.

Discomfort would have been obvious to anyone else in the world, but Annagramma had never been one to pick up on that kind of social cue.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, Alex turned himself towards the witch properly. He took her hand in his own, covering the ring that was the cause for the worry that touched at every part of his face in that moment.

"Anna, do... do you understand what getting married to Simon means?" Alex asked tentatively, because he already knew the answer to that one. No, she really didn't understand the magnitude of what she had agreed to, but perhaps he could convey that. "Do you know what being someone's wife means?" He added, because it was important that she did know now.

This wasn't just casual dating, it was a whole lot more.

And Simon would not be kind enough to teach her.

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~ American (turned French) ~ Profile ~ 38 ~

Anna had always felt she existed in a world where everyone else was a little bit slower to catch up compared to her. It was the only reason she could think of as to why people didn't immediately respond to her or join her in her emotional expressions. Though for from thinking such people as inferior or lesser apt than herself, the blonde simply blamed the world. Everyone saw the world differently, in different colors and at different speeds. It wasn't their fault Anna saw things faster, felt them harder and hurt more when the occasion called for it.

It was also why she felt happier when the other occasion called for it.

Like she did now.

While Alex was still trying to catch up.

"Anna, do... do you understand what getting married to Simon means?"

The girl nodded happily. It meant she would have to wear a white dress, stand in front of a Minister of some kind and then she and Alex would be together. She could do that for him. She could do anything in the world for him.

"Do you know what being someone's wife means?"

It was this question, hesitantly posed, that finally clued the blonde in. Alex was... worried about her. The girl schooled her petite features into something resembling seriousness.

"It means... Simon and I will have to sleep in the same bed together," she admitted, a crimson shame splotching her otherwise pale features. "Just like we did last Christmas..." It hadn't been something they had planned. Simon had drunk too much of a bubbly and for a moment, he had seemed a different color. Not quite Alex's sunshiny orange but a red resembling it perhaps. He said he didn't feel up to apperating home so they had gotten a hotel room.

Afterword's, Anna had stared at the blood on the starchy white sheets, wondering if Simon had looked the same color last night as the man in question got dressed in the small bathroom, pretending he hadn't been the one to make her bleed.

"But it's okay," she added reassuringly. "That part isn't so bad, considering..." Considering she would be with Alex the rest of the time. She knew Simon had a job, so he had to go in the morning and stay there until nighttime. Maybe even overnight sometimes. And she and Alex didn't have jobs so they could be together.

Forever.

Annagramma's reply was what Alex had expected, really, the tell-tale sign that, no, she really didn't understand what she'd agreed to. His brother, the bastard that he was, had put her in a position she would never disagree to, because Annagramma simply didn't see the world for what it truly was.

"Anna..." Alex managed gently, trying to make her see for herself that this wasn't a good idea. He would not, no, he could not stand in the way if this was what she wanted, he knew that. But, what he did have to do was make her fully aware of the choice she was making, because no one else in the world would. "It's not just sharing a bed with Simon. You'll... have to be intimate with him. Sex." He added the last because he didn't want there to be any doubt in Anna's mind what he was eluding to.

"And, well... normally with married couples, you end up having children together. So, you'll be a mom to Simon's children. A fantastic mom, for sure." Alex continued on, because that was what was coming. A world far, far different to the one that they were in right now. "There might even be a time where you and Simon decide that you'll go and live in your own house together, away from the rest of the family."

That, though, Alex did doubt. Simon liked their home a little bit too much, and was quite the favourite to their mother, so he doubted the golden child that he was would be the one to move out of the house.

"Agreeing to marry Simon is a big promise. It means you'll be his wife. For the rest of your life."

And, that means you'll be shutting me out, Alex added to himself, but there was no use telling Annagramma that. She wouldn't understand the sheer magnitude of all of this, no matter how hard he tried to show her that it might not be the right thing for her.

"But, if you love Simon, really and truly, then this... this is the right thing for you to do."

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~ American (turned French) ~ Profile ~ 38 ~

As much as the girl wanted to avoid talking about Christmas, Alex seemed determine to bring it up, clarifying what he meant by sleeping in the same bed together. Now completely red in the face, she nodded. "I know. We... have done it a few times." Twice, she wanted to scream out loud, only twice. And only the Christmas time counted because technically the second time, it had been Simon who had had sex. It was his birthday and he had insisted, saying it was an appropriate gift, making her feel bad for forgetting his special day and not preparing a gift in advance.

Since then, Annagramma had marked his birthday on every calendar she could find, up to the next twenty years so she never missed it.

So that her head was never again pushed down in a boys' bathroom, her nostrils filling with the stench of urine, sweat and humiliation, making her gag.

"And, well... normally with married couples, you end up having children together."

"We won't have children," Anna quickly cut across her best friend, almost using erhu words as a defensive shield. Anna liked children, she even found them sweet most of the time. But growing up the way she had meant she saw very little merit in having any of her own.

"There might even be a time where you and Simon decide that you'll go and live in your own house together, away from the rest of the family."

The blonde shook he head resolutely, sending her golden locks flying from side to side. "No, we won't. Why would we move somewhere else when your house is perfectly good?" she asked, now making him out to be the ludicrous party. The only reason she was marrying Simon was to be in Alex's house. If Simon decided to leave, she would leave him too.

And go wherever Alex was.

"But, if you love Simon, really and truly, then this... this is the right thing for you to do."

This gave her pause. Did she love Simon? She thought she did today, because he had given her something she had always wanted. Even if it came with a bland rock and a colorless dress. But it was worth it if there would be Alex in her future.

Hopefully permanently.

Because she had no idea what she would do after school was over without his orange sunshiny presence to warm her nights, to ground her from her impossible highs and lows.

To be there with her when no one else would.

"Yes," she replied, moving closer to Alex, waiting for his arms to open up so she could scoot into his lap, just like old times. It felt like forever since she'd curled into him, and she missed it. "I really want this... Please be happy for us Alex," she nearly pleaded, begging him to be happy for him and herself. For the two of them to be together for the rest of their lives.

Why it had hurt more to hear that Anna and Simon had been having sex, Alex didn't know. But he nodded, to show he understood because he could see that she was a little uncomfortable. That was normal, he tried to reassure himself. Girls didn't like to talk about sex the same way guys did, so it was absolutely fine that Anna was so red in the face.

Wasn't it?

The quick cut across him about children made Alex grimace. "Anna... that's something you have to discuss with Simon. What if he wants children?" He posed, but he doubted he would get an answer other than not wanting children. Anna was always resolute in that manner, and once she'd made up her mind, very little changed it.

The not moving away from the house should have sent alarm bells ringing, but Alex didn't know how else to argue it.

Annagramma had made up her mind, and he was going to have to pick up the pieces to ensure she was alright, for as long as he could.

The final blow had been the long pause for consideration about whether Annagramma loved his brother. The final assertion that yes, she did love Simon was the one that had made him relent to everything else she had said that evening. If she loved Simon, as she had attested to, then who was he to stand in her way? Who was he to tell her that she shouldn't marry him?

"Please be happy for us Alex,"

Winded, Alex slowly nodded his agreement to being happy for her and Simon.

"If that's what you want, then I'm happy for you." Alex lied to her, forcing a smile that wouldn't reach his eyes on to his features. "Congratulations, Anna." He added, knowing it was the customary reply to these situations.

With those words, the door within his heart that he'd held resolutely open for her for the last twelve months shut itself with a slam. Barricading itself from the inside to ensure that he wouldn't let something like this happen again as he half opened his arms to the witch. He knew Annagramma wouldn't resist the opening, she would be in his lap in a moments notice, snuggled against his chest, head tucked under her chin.

He would drink in that moment, for as long as he could. Her smell, how she felt in his arms, pretending that this wasn't happening, if only for tonight.

Because, tomorrow, she would return to being his brother's fiancee.

But for now, he could pretend she was only his.

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~ American (turned French) ~ Profile ~ 38 ~

» The Wonder Years - Yellow - December, 2009 (Alexagramma)
» The Wonder Years - Red - May, 2008 (Alexagramma)
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