The Godfather (Jake)

Tad took a deep breath. This was the day he had been waiting for for a while now. The day Veronika had told him he was the godfather had freaked him out a little bit. He wasn't sure if he was the type that could be a good influence on something so small, but that was why he needed to change. That was why he found himself nervously pacing In front of Jake and Veronikas apartment building in Scotland. He had been making excuses to go and see the child, but now he had run out of them and had no choice. Veronika would surly let him go if he didn't go and meet her child. He almost didn't because of Jake getting in his head. He knew the lad didn't like him, and he wasn't sure why. Jake had Veronika. Tad had Lettie. There was no competition. Now any feelings that he had towards Veronika in the past where gone. His feelings belonged to Lettie.

Tad was nervous. He had never actually held a child before. He was an only child, had no siblings, and no cousins to speak of. Tad had never even held a child and he was scared to death he would break it. Maybe Veronika wouldn't be offended if he just went and looked at it. If she told him to hold the kid, he could make up some excuse. She wouldn't by it, but at least he wouldn't endanger the kid. And then there was the problem of Jake. Tad knew for some reason with him around that he probably wouldn't be allowed to hold him anyways. Even if Veronika was present. Which just made him angry. Tad hadn't even met the guy, and already he was a threat to him and Veronikas relationship. Tad just had to get into the guys head that he had everything. Tad wasn't going to take anything away from him. Especially the baby.

Tad had every mind to turn around and walk away from Veronikas life forever. But what would that prove? That the kids godfather was a coward? That Jake was right all along? That tad had zero feelings? It would prove everyone right. Tad was slowly suffering inside and he didn't want anyone to know. Not even Lettie. He couldn't let her see that side of him. He couldn't let even Veronika see that side of him. He had to put on an act. An act that said "everything is alright" and the other one "I'm changing and becoming a better person." He thought that the more he played pretend, the more it would actually become a reality. Kind of like a reverse psychology on himself.

Tad took another breath and walked up the stairs to their floor. He stood and looked at the long hallway that seemed to go on for miles. It was just a few more steps. Just a few more steps then he could face his fear and go home and drown himself in a bottle of bourbon. He took a few steps towards their apartment. He stood at the door for a while wondering if he should really knock. If he should really change his life. But yes. It was for her. Everything he had done from that point on had been for her. He could do this one last thing. Meeting her son shouldn't be that big of a deal. It should be a momentous occasion. So why did he feel like shitting himself right then and there when he raised his hand to the door and knocked? And why did his face go white when it wasn't her that answered the door but her fiancé or whatever it's called? He ran a hand threw his hair and said, "she's not here isn't she?" Maybe this was some evil plot to get Jake and Tad to bond. But he would tell her straight up that it wouldn't work. They had too much in common and that one, now two things where her and the baby.

Tad had conqured phase one. He felt semi proud of himself as Veronikas fiancé let him in the door. He took a couple breaths to calm his nerves as it looked like that Veronika wasn't even home. Jake had shut the door and they where going to sit down in the living room. Tad didn't realize that in Jakes arms was the baby boy. Once he realized that Jake had the baby, Tads nerves got worse. Tad had thought that Veronika would be here. At least she would joke about his nerves and not make them worse like the fiancé was currently doing. Tad said, "Its Tad by the way. Thaddeus is such a stupid name. And I thought Veronika would be here... She wanted me to meet the child..."

Tad wasn't sure if he was comfortable calling the little boy his "godson". It felt strange. Tad wasn't even sure if he trusted himself with the kid. And he knew one hundred percent by the way Jake was looking at him that Jake didn't trust him either. Tad said, "I'm not sure why she chose me... I haven't exactly been there for her the past couple of months... Do you know why?" He honestly was curious. He wasn't even sure if Lettie trusted him, so he didn't know why Veronika would.

Now Tad was onto phase two. Accepting the fact that Veronika wasn't his anymore, and that he still had to be in her life even though he couldn't fully have her as his. That was going to be the hardest phase. Maybe this phase he could break up into separate parts. He had accepted the fact that she had a child. Now that it was with another man, that would be hard. But he was willing to change even though he couldn't fully have her as his. He just wanted her in his life.

Tads heart fell into his stomach at Jakes words. He wasn't sure what to think anymore. He was now sure that Veronikas fiancé didn't Have much hope for him in either roll he played in Veronikas life. He wasn't sure if Jake had hope in the role he now played for his son. But that just motivated him 10 times more. He said, "no I'm up for it. I'm just a little nervous meeting him for the first time...and I thought Veronika would be here. And I haven't exactly met you yet... Sooo." He was making excuses like he always did. But at least it got him out of trouble sometimes.

Tad was now realizing that his life was now all about excuses. When he cut his lessons short it was because "there where only two students" it would be alright. Was that the only reason? When he didn't visit Veronika for four months "Lettie was keeping him busy around the house" it wasn't like he couldn't say hi to her at school or anything. Tad continued, " I want you to know, that nothing has happened with me and her. I won't lie and say I haven't thought about it... But I care too much to hurt her, and I know I would've eventually if something had happened. So that's why I'm glad you are here. You stopped me from hurting my best friend."

Tad wasn't sure if his little speech would change Jakes mind about him or make it worse. But at least he was trying. And that's all he could do. He leaned over to look at the little guy. Ivan. That was his name. Tad looked at the little sleeping baby and instantly his world turned upside down. Upside down in a good way. Tad now knew that nothing else mattered but the little baby in Jakes arms. He would do anything in his power to keep him safe. Phase two completed.