I Will Try to Fix You (Elenore)

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Noon. The sun was bright above, but in no way muggy like she expected. Her grand-mere in no way protested as she ran off an hour before said meeting place. It was so liberating to be able to breathe without someone constantly checking up on her. Sure, she was forced to get a chaperone, but galleons made everything go away. Emilie ran off to meet her beau and in turn Tess went the other way. They had a good understanding and as always it worked out.

So she stood there taking in the atmosphere of Notre-Dame. She briefly wished that if she were ever to get married, she would want to be married inside the Church. In no way was she a romantic, but she could appreciate the beauty of it all.

She waited patiently in her blue sundress with white daisies patterned on it. It was simple, simpler for her but she wanted to be herself. Her platforms were the only thing that showed that she wasn't exactly the most casual of girls. In her hands was simple white umbrella protecting her from the sun. Her grand-mere complained she would be getting too burned if she wasn't careful.

Looking around she wondered where Elenore would come from. She was worried about what was going on to her friend, after all she wasn't the most demonstrative much like herself. So to feel such problems, made Tess worried.

Subject: Re: I Will Try to Fix You (Elenore) Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:48 pm

After receiving the agreed time from Tess, Elenore had not written back to her friend, in fear her Maman would find out about the planned trip to the Notre-Dame. Elenore had not yet managed to face Mimosa -- despite Alexei's letter which told her just to apologise, Elenore had not found the courage to do so. She knew, of course, that the Slytherin male was right in his wisdom, but it was, as she had said before, much easier to say these things than to do them.

And, how could you apologise to a child who you'd hurt so much she was shaking with fear?

The image had not left Elenore each night as she slept, managing only to get to sleep because she vowed to go to see Mimosa the next morning. But after each morning arrived, sleep being ravaged by nightmare after nightmare, Elenore could not do it.

So, on the morning of the seventh -- still not being allowed down to breakfast with the family -- Elenore had dismissed her staff, and after checking the coast was clear, locked her door. Beneath her bed she had stashed a uniform of the palace servants, something incredibly bland, not fitted to her, but something that would allow her to go unnoticed. Elenore had pulled her hair up in to a very tight bun like the staff wore, and kept her face free of makeup. Whilst not unrecognisable, it would be enough to get her away from the Palace without drawing attention to herself.

Using the back stairs, Elenore let herself out in to the courtyard, checking the pathway was clear, and heading out across the back of the Palace towards the streets of Paris.

On route, though, Elenore had to duck behind a bush after hearing her Papa's voice, talking to Maman. The young Hufflepuff held her breath, despite her distance from the couple. In the Lord Clement's arms was the Lady Clement, being carried bridal style towards the maze the two of them loved so much. It took a few long moments -- and far too many soft giggles from her parents -- before Elenore could moved once more, until finally she joined the throng of Paris.

After that, Elenore had hailed down a taxi, and without sounding like the Clement heiress, ordered the man to get her to Notre-Dame.

Once the man was paid, Elenore turned to the vast building before her, pausing only for a moment to take in it's beauty before hurrying to the entrance, and Tess Marie. Upon seeing her friend, Elenore hurried over, taking Tess' hand carefully in her own, and pulling her in to the church. "Please, let us sit in here, I can't be seen like this." Elenore asked softly of the Slytherin witch, hoping Tess would understand the situation enough not to make her stay outside too long.

If Tess allowed, Elenore would lead them in to the church, and in to one of the vacant pews, sitting herself down with her back to the door. "Thank you, for meeting me here. I know the circumstances are so very strange, but I couldn't put it all in a letter..." Elenore explained, her eyes glistening with tears, but not tears she would allow to fall. "I've made a terrible mistake, Tess..." Elenore whispered, not because they were in Church, but because admitting such a thing was not an easy thing to do.

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She briefly looked at the veil that separated the muggle and wizarding world from entering the church. Tess briefly wondered what it would be like to go to that world and see these people as they were in their natural habitat. It was an eerie thought, one that she immediately quelled down. She would never dare go into the kind of world, that was one rule she wouldn't break to her grand-mere.

It was a hand clasped in hers that made her realize that Elenore had arrived. She did indeed look different, but in Tess' eyes, she was still lovely. Walking to the church, she clasped her shawl closer around her shoulders to be proper and sat down as lead.

She allowed the quiet church to overcome the two awaiting for her friend to talk when she was good and ready. And it seemed that in a bit she was. As she expressed herself and her voice wavered, Tess immediately grabbed her hand and squeezed softly.

"You know you can tell me anything" she whispered in return. She knew that it would be best to simply keep the propriety as best she could. "I'm here to listen."

Subject: Re: I Will Try to Fix You (Elenore) Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:51 pm

The soft squeeze of her hand had a steadying effect on Elenore, the fears with which she had been holding herself in for the past few days seemed to be relieving itself from her body as Tess reassured her that she was here to listen. Elenore knew that Tess meant those words, but for a moment more, he braced herself, because even though she trusted Tess Marie, she was terrified of revealing the monstrous behaviour she had brought out.

"Merci," Elenore replied after a moment, looking up to Tess to see every reaction that would come from the Slytherin witch as she told her tale.

"You know that Mimosa, our ward, has been over for the summer." Elenore explained very carefully, keeping the waver in her voice to a minimum as she spoke. "I... Rather, Jacques and I had to look after her whilst Papa and Maman were in the Cayman Islands. She's... not very ladylike, and nobody tells her that it is not acceptable to jump around, and be... as she is. Since her arrival I had found her presence an annoyance..."

Elenore paused, because even saying this much was washing her fresh with guilt that she knew was not unfounded in any manner. But, Elenore's tale had barely begun.

"And, you will also know that your brother visited the Palace last week." Elenore added, glancing away for a moment. "As much as I love you, and your family, Tess, I do not wish to marry your brother. Maman... Maman set it up, believing that I would... I think..." Elenore came unstuck in that moment on how to explain that she believed her Maman was trying to marry her out of the family. Both witches knew their fate, eventually, of course, but Elenore had not thought it would come so soon, and to her best friend's brother.

"Mycroft has likely told you something the same... Which is okay. But, after your brother left, I knew -" Elenore paused, because it was still so very fresh in her mind. "I knew I had let down my family. Maman was watching so eagerly, Papa looked so jovial with Mycroft. I know it's not Mycroft's fault, I'm much too young, I'm sure he has plenty of other..."

Elenore shook her head, she did not want to get in to the idea of who's fault the lack of marriage proposal was, that was not what this was about.

"I couldn't stay with my family then. I felt like such a failure. An outcast. Useless. I excused myself to my bed chamber, hoping to be alone in my grief. Mimosa, however, did not wish to allow me such a courtesy and followed me up with a barrage of questions. She had not noticed I was crying at this point. I tried to ask her to leave, but I couldn't get her to listen. She kept on about when I would get married, how beautiful I would look, where I would live, if Mycroft was in love with me. Constant... And..." Elenore paused, looking away for a moment as she brought her free hand up to dab at her eyes, the tears weren't falling, but they were threatening.

"I lost my temper with the child. I... shouted some truly horrible things at her." Elenore explained, not looking back to Tess because she was so terribly ashamed of herself. "I didn't... think of what I was doing. I was hurting, it's no excuse, I should never have done it... I don't know how to make it right..." Elenore finalised, managing to compose herself with a couple of carefully taken breaths as her eyes stung with the unshed tears.

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Tess never considered herself to be one of the most understanding of people. She was often considered cold-hearted or worse heartless, but that was not the case. There were only a few people in the world that dug her way into her heart. One was her brother, who despite her resentment, the bastard effectively won her over. Not with the kitten or with the gift, but rather the way he loved her unconditionally. The next person was of course Elenore. The girl shared so many similar experiences. Sure she had loving parents, but they had similar pressures in life.

So as Elenore poured her heart out, she held her hand tightly and frowned. She had heard about what her brother went through. She had been furious as they spoke about what occurred, but he had promised her that he had no interest in the young Clement. She had been relieved and yet felt pity for the consequence of it. Mycroft had promised her that he had no love for Ellie or anyone and she believed him. He, much like her, was a straight shrew about life.

So she murmured an apology and held her close listening on. Did Ellie think that she would judge her? She didn't think so. So when she finished, Tess sighed.

"Oh darling" she whispered softly. "For my brother, there are no worries. There is no love lost between the two of us, and if I'm perfectly honest, you are not losing anything with my brother. Your heart should not fall for men like him and vice versa. I think of you as family just as we are."

But as she mulled over the words that she might have said to the ward, Tess paused. The ward was young and naive and she could only imagine what was said.

"As for your words...I admit that I am not the best to judge. I have a sharp tongue, a hard heart and...not one to tell you what you might need to hear. But I will tell you something...speak from your heart. You love her yes? It is not her fault that she was not burdened with the weight that we do in the world. But she's young, she'll forgive...don't good children do that anymore?"

Subject: Re: I Will Try to Fix You (Elenore) Sat Dec 16, 2017 10:50 pm

To find Tess not to be mad at her for the impromptu tea that had ensued between Elenore and Mycroft was something that the young Clement could only feel relieved about. Her horror upon finding out what her Maman had planned without so much as asking. "Thank you," Elenore replied softly, giving Tess' hand a small squeeze to show her appreciation.

Merlin knew Elenore would not have the stomach for finding out Tess and Jacques had done something similar. The idea of marrying one another's brothers was just... wrong, somehow.

"Mycroft does not hold my heart, I can promise you that much." Elenore replied to Tess' words, making sure there was no confusion. She had not wanted things to work because she wanted them to, she had wanted Mycroft to like her so that her parents would be proud of her. But, in the space of one day, Elenore had only managed to disappoint them heavily. Twice over.

Tess continued on with how she would deal with the situation Elenore had caused herself. At the question of loving Mimosa, Elenore flinched slightly. She knew that the negative feelings she bore for the Clement Ward were not fair, they were not grounded, they were based on fears of being replaced by the younger witch. Of being overshadowed by the young witch. Truly, though... deep down, past the ill feelings, and the worried nature in which Elenore held Mimosa, the Hufflepuff did love the child as if she were family.

"I'm scared she will only listen to what I said in my anger with her. If she doesn't listen to my apology, and the fact I... I do care for her very much. I don't know how I will fix it." Elenore explained, shaking her head slightly. "But... I suppose I will have to keep trying, to make it right, won't I? Until the guilt alleviates from my actions, and I can look at her without feeling sick with myself..."

Elenore gave a small nod, wiping at her eyes once more.

"I'm sorry for being so ambiguous in my letters, I hadn't known what to say. And, I know it might sound silly... Maman overheard. And Jacques. They're both seething with anger -- rightfully -- at me. I shouldn't be here, but I needed to get away from the Palace, for a time." Elenore explained, her apology carrying through her words. "What about you, how has your summer been?" Elenore added, trying to move in to calmer waters now her friend had given her some advice, which would hopefully come up useful.

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Tess wasn't sure what breath she was holding but as Elenore admitted that she did not love Mycroft, some pressure was relieved. She loved her dearly and as much as she did think of her as family, she could not fathom Mycroft marrying such a young girl such as Elenore. Mycroft was not as perfect as he seemed. While handsome and charming, he was petulant and had his moments of depression. He could not properly take care and give the love her best friend needed to blossom.

She delicately let go of her friend's hand, but left her hands placed lightly over hers as she listened. It was the mention of love that had shaken Elenore a bit more. The flinching was not unnoticed and that was when she got a bit of a hint.

"You know....when I was young, I was always jealous of the way that your family showed how much they loved you?" she asked softly. "I-I love my father, more than the world itself but the way they acted, you are their moon." It was an unspoken thing that the sons will always be the sun. But the women would be peaceful like the moon. "That love cannot be tarnished. My grand-mere told me that no matter what my father might do she'd love him." Her lip twitched.

"Apologize if you truly mean it. If those words that you said, no matter how harmful they are, were honestly how you feel, let it simmer a bit. Perhaps delve into why it happened. And when you are ready to forgive yourself try to corner the little ward."

At the mentioned of others being angry, she shook her head. It was a good place in their hearts, but did not take into consideration how their actions guilted Elenore even more.

"Ellie, despite what the world might control about you, you cannot let anyone control your emotions. Those are your own, and no one can invalidate them. So you let yourself feel, it's the most beautiful and frustrating parts of being human."

For her questions about summer, Tess sighed.

"It's been peaceful and I've never felt more like myself."

Subject: Re: I Will Try to Fix You (Elenore) Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:46 pm

Elenore offered up no reply to Tess when she spoke of how 'love' showed so clearly in the Clement household. Elenore did not see it, she'd never felt it, and she most certainly envied her brother for the abundance of love and attention he received. Instead, the witch gave a small smile, that would suggest a 'thank you' being given to Tess, but not one she could utter aloud.

The advice made Elenore listen intently. Right now, she was not sure how she felt. There were a number of things whirling around her head, the reasons for what she did, whether she meant what she had said, or whether it had been honesty waiting to be unleashed over a number of years. It was so much of a jumble, Elenore didn't know where to go with her thoughts. "Thank you, Tess, that is quite helpful." Elenore replied to her closest friend with a sincere smile. There was nothing else to say in that moment, so Elenore didn't press on.

Tess' answer of her summer was not nearly as descriptive as Elenore would have liked, for a moment, the Clement heiress waited for further explanation, but nothing came. Frowning ever so slightly, Elenore urged Tess on further. "How so? Being back in France?" Elenore asked, hoping this would be enough to bring more details to light.

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Sometimes her mouth moved quicker than her brain; this was probably one of those due to Elenore's response. Perhaps in her eyes, the idea of the love that they shared was a farce and all this time, she imagined that the Clements who she saw as demonstrative people was all a farce. Her stomach flipped at the thought; who was she to judge when her father did many similar things? She sighed looking in front of her as the people walked around taking pictures.

In the midst of her simple dwelling in the silence, Elenore spoke up, digging a bit deeper into how Tess' summer had been. She was unsure of how open to be, it was so scary to trust. But she knew, it would not be fair for Elenore to open up, and her remain mum on everything.

"I'm happy when I'm here" she began unsure where it would lead. "When I am with my grand-mere there's color in my life. I know that sound silly but....my heart, my soul, my being just feels like it's in air." she looked briefly at Elenore before blushing at how soft she was being. "When I'm in Britain, I feel like I'm on a deadline. I-I can't even sing without it becoming a concert for some business man who brings his son along to visit. I-"she took a deep breath. "I feel the walls closing in when I'm there."

She allowed the silence to hit again as her words really flowed through her. Did she really feel that way? She did.

"I take these small glimpses of freedom like a pearl. They are getting harder and harder to find in my life." she felt a tightness in her throat. "No one has formerly asked for my hand and I know that I should feel bad but I don't. I truly don't. Ellie is that normal?"

Subject: Re: I Will Try to Fix You (Elenore) Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:51 pm

Elenore listened to Tess explain how France made her feel more alive. Before this summer, Elenore might have agreed with the sentiment, but right now, France felt nothing more than a prison to her. A place where she was not needed, or wanted, and a place that made her feel isolated, even when she sat alone with her Grandmere.

More, when she sat with her Grandmere, because the child knew her Grandmere was not well, and she couldn't fathom how the Palace would be bearable once the older witch left this world.

"You don't sound silly at all, Tess," Elenore assured the Holmes' witch with a smile. "I completely understand those feelings." But, Elenore did not confide in her friend that she did not feel the same way about France at the moment.

The question, however, of being normal for not wanting to get married was one that Elenore didn't quite know how to answer. "That would depend on whether you mean normal for the daughters of prominent families, or if you're asking if it were normal for just... anybody." Elenore replied, not overly helpful in that moment, but deciding not to jump in to the 'yes, that's normal' bandwagon.

"But, I think that it's okay to feel that way, for us, so long as we do not let our fathers know such things." Elenore added, trying to console her best friend with that sentence. After all, what their parents didn't know couldn't hurt them, right?

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» Come What May (Elenore)
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